“You need to figure it out faster. The deadline is approaching. You can do better!” I sharply yelled at my inner self. My heart raced. My eyes darted back and forth, scanning my to-do list and computer, thinking that if I stared longer at my screen I would get the inspiration to work faster.
I could feel my shoulders curl and round into my ears, tension draping down my back like a protective cape. My nervous system was vibrating in a hyperaroused state (aka ‘fight/flight’).
Do you know the sensation?
A few minutes later, I paused with surprise at the words and tone I just heard in my inner dialogue.
I took a deep breath.
I dropped my shoulders down my back. My jaw unclenched.
I closed my eyes and inhaled for the count of six -- feeling the cool air through my nostrils -- and exhaled for the count of four, feeling warmth.
I placed my hand over my heart and gently apologized to myself: “I am sorry I yelled at you. You are doing the best you can. You are capable. May this be fun and easeful.”
My body immediately melted. The pressure and narrow focus I felt behind my eyes and temples softened. I felt ease in my chest and fingers. I felt more joy back in my body.
Stress doesn’t just arrive because of outside circumstances or deadlines.
We humans have the power to create internal stress based on how we talk to ourselves. This stress, whether it is external or internal, affects our nervous systems.
Our nervous systems are the ‘software systems’ of our bodies and brains. They help us move, eat, digest, procreate and have access to various parts of our brain centers.
Just as our sympathetic nervous system gets activated when we hear someone scream the words “fire” in our external world, so do the words of emergency that we say to ourselves in our internal world. This phenomenon isn’t woo woo. It is based on research from Dr. Dan Siegel who coined The Window of Tolerance.
Sometimes this internal stress provoking self-talk can be skillful. Maybe it helps you feel motivated or gives you energy to “perk” up.
However, if we are consistently talking to ourselves with a tone of “work faster and harder, fire is coming”, we will lead our bodies into a hyperaroused state that can lead us down the path of burnout pretty quickly.
As the first quarter of the year ends and we set our gaze on what’s next, personally and professionally, I welcome you to pay attention to your self-talk:
What are the words you say to yourself? What’s the tone? When you pause to pay attention, how does your internal dialogue affect your nervous system?
Everything we say has an energetic impact.