Three Ways to Shift from Scarcity to Generosity

The act of giving used to be difficult for me. And I would be lying if I said it still wasn't a conscious practice. However, I have learned to tap into an authentic way to “give”, from a place of abundance. Giving from the heart feels damn good! 

Holidays, birthdays, weddings and fundraisers are all opportunities to celebrate and demonstrate how much we care about our community. In North American culture, the expectation is to give through physical gifts or financial donations. When faced with the holidays or even a birthday celebration, I could often feel my body and nervous system tighten with fear. Thoughts of, “Gahh what am I going to get this person?” or “I don’t have much money to spend, how will they know I care?” My scarcity mindset would get triggered. My value of love bumped heads with my fear of spending money. I’d get wrapped in thought loops where I believed that giving and being generous could only come through money. 

Practice these three steps below to challenge your own scarcity mindset and, instead, choose generosity. Ask yourself these questions as a journaling prompt, a question you want to sit with during meditation or on a solo walk in the park.

1. Ask yourself, what does being generous mean?

I untangled myself from the unhelpful belief that, in order to be a generous person, I had to be abundant with financial resources. I did this by grabbing my journal and exploring what generosity truly meant to me. I realized I was entangled in society's definition of generosity, not my own. Exploring generosity in more depth, I determined being generous is about giving love and presence. 

This demonstration of love and presence can take many forms. I value expressing love by cooking and baking for people. I love giving my time and attention. I demonstrate presence by practicing deep listening—​remembering what people say makes them feel valued. Learning what generosity authentically meant, to me, helped empower me to express it in my own way. I no longer feel pressured to “give” in a way that doesn’t sit well.

2. What does it feel like to be generous? What does it feel like to act from scarcity?

Tuning into our bodies for answers and insights is key. Noticing and labeling physical sensations we feel around giving can offer helpful cues so that one can respond to the situation more skillfully. Being generous is a conscious choice. When I am generous, I feel warmth in my chest. I notice a desire to care for people. Being generous feels really damn good. It feels even more delightful when it’s shared from an authentic space. I want them to feel loved and seen. When I act from scarcity, I feel my body shut down. It feels yucky and dirty. I tighten. I feel my heart close off. Paying attention to these physical sensations lets my brain take a pause to evaluate the situation. When I notice the unpleasant physical sensations of scarcity kick up, I ask myself this next question so that I can take action from my values. Not my fears.  

3. Ask yourself, who do I want to be in the world? 

Who do I want to be in this world? Big question, I know, but it helps us get out of tunnel vision and instead, think about how we want to show up in our communities. Asking myself this question connects me to my values. I understand what’s important to me. I think of who I admire and why. I reflect on what feels meaningful and important. If scarcity sensations are present, I ask myself, who do I want to be in the world? It helps me visualize a loving, generous and open person. When I can visualize those values, I can begin to feel them, and they give me strength to act from an intrinsic place of want. 

I welcome you to take time this holiday season and explore these questions. Allow your insights to support you untangling from any societal pressures. Instead, give from your own unique senses and perspective.

Gift Guides To Help You Feel Centered This Season

May this Gift Guide inspire generosity and love to yourself, your loved ones and the world.

1. Digital Alarm Clock:

   Ditch the phone as your alarm clock. An old school alarm clock is the best way to wake up and start the day. It helps minimize anxiety and reduces mindless scrolling. I personally like battery alarm clocks so I have freedom to move it around.
   

2. Fav Jumper to Lounge in:

   Stay cozy all day long in this jumper. It's great to dress up for video calls with a cute sweater/blazer or run errands with some cute boots/sneakers.
   

3. Bala Bangles:

   These have been my favorite weights for years because of their look and feel. I use them in my pilates flows on my ankles for additional strength, or for arms. They are also easy travel companions.
   

4. Mid-Day Squares:

   My favorite go-to snack. It satisfies my sweet tooth and I stay satiated longer because it’s filled with protein. Gifting a box to yourself or a loved one will put a smile on anyone's face and belly. Use code: Wade15 to get 15% off of your order.
   

5. The Five-Minute Journal’s "Well-being Bundle”:

   This Well-being bundle includes a journal and affirmation card set. The journal is full of simple daily prompts that support you committing to your well-being practices, and it’s always nice to pull some affirmation cards!
   

6. Lure Essentials:
   I love these myofascial silicon suction cups. Two of my massage therapists have recommended them to me. I use them mostly on my calves and feet, a few times each week. They reduce tightness and increase blood flow. Great gift for yourself or a loved one who is into body care.
   

7. Centered in the City membership:
   You know I am all about spreading those centered vibes. This platform is for those looking to incorporate holistic mindfulness rituals and practices to feel your damn best so that you can navigate the ups and downs of life.
   

8. Mini at-Home Trampoline:

   I love using this in between calls for a dose of movement, mindset shift and energy boost. Gently using a trampoline is also great for purifying your lymphatic system.
   

9. Needed:
   I am such a fan of this company and love these hydration packages. They have this cute set for the holidays that’s a great stocking stuffer, or if you are looking to stay more hydrated, order for yourself. Use code CENTER for 20% off one-time purchases.
   

10. Vitamix:

    My favorite kitchen gadget! I will only make smoothies or soups in the Vitamix because it creates the smooth and even texture I crave. They are pricey, but worth the long-term investment.
    

11. Meditation Pillows
    If you like your cushions soft and more “beanbag-esque” check out Avocado. If you like your cushions a little harder, check out these Zafus.
    

12. The 'Partner Review Process':
    Give the gift of co-creation to your relationships. I look forward to doing this process with my husband every year because it gets us on the same page and helps us co-create our vision for the year ahead. Last year, I put it into a self-paced video series so that you too can co-create your year ahead with your partner.
    

13. Circadian Light Therapy Lamp:

    During the winter months in Seattle, I need some light therapy support to keep my energy and mood balanced. This is a great lamp to add to your meditation practice or place on your work desk.
    

14. Food Bank for NYC:
    Local food bank in New York City that accepts food or money donations.
    

15. NorthWest Harvest:

    Washington State's leading hunger relief agency that accepts food or money donations.
    

16. The Love Land Foundation:

    Their fund provides financial assistance to Black women and girls seeking therapy, nationally.
    

17. Doctors without Borders:

    Cares for people around the world affected by diseases and disasters.
    

18. Save The Children:

    Helps feed, cloth and support children in crisis around the world.
    

19. National Network of Abortion Funds:

    Abortion funds provide financial assistance, travel, lodging, and many other types of support to abortion seekers.
    

20. Want some homemade gift ideas? Check out these Healthy for the Holidays recipes.

How Will You Spend Your Time?

There are 8 weeks left in 2022. Can you believe it?

I heard someone announce this on a call, and I quickly brushed the observation away because I found it to be unpleasant.

It created antsy discomfort in my body.

Noticing that my body had a physical reaction to the comment, I decided there was more to uncover.

After the call, I took a #mindfulmoment to pause and check in with myself.

My mind oscillated between feeling content, in disbelief, anxious and grateful. Thoughts of “oh sh*t I need to get x-y-z done before Thanksgiving” created a surge of unpleasant adrenaline.

Thoughts of holiday festivities created sensations of warmth. The idea of the new year and time speeding by created both anxious and excited feelings. All of the various thoughts, emotions and sensations are valid.

Taking a moment to pause and ground myself in reality helped me gain a sense of perspective.

I noticed I was locked into the flow of life, not paying attention to where I was in terms of my priorities and goals. Even though time and the annual calendar is a construct, it is also a helpful, organizing container. 

Pausing and noticing my insights gave me awareness that I could possibly drop some extra work projects that I was truly tempted to take on.

The achiever in me wanted to lead. However, instead of getting ‘more’ done, I realized I wanted to focus on quality. 

Checking in reminded me of my true priorities. I came back to my Power Intention for 2022 and the work I did in setting my intentions for the year.

Making this choice from a place of insight versus reactionary impulses felt so damn empowering.

I know I am honoring myself by staying true to my intuition. I am not getting distracted by the very tempting, “shiny” objects.
 

I welcome you to pause with me here and take a #mindfulmoment to check in with yourself.

Turn your gaze inwards and observe with a lens of kindness and curiosity.

Feel your feet planted on the ground and know you are present in this moment.

Slow down to feel your breath. Tune into the thoughts in the mind. Notice what sensations are present in your body.
 

What do you feel and think when you hear we have about 8 weeks of 2022 left? 

Spend a few minutes allowing your mind and heart to wander. Give yourself permission to listen. 

Now that you have gained that sense of awareness and data, how does that shift or change what you want to prioritize in the next few weeks? …if anything!

When we pause to check in with ourselves, we can learn to listen to our intuition and insights. Taking action and living from that place of alignment feels so good!

Are you a Maximizer or Satisfier?

Do you tend to have more Maximizer or Satisfier traits? 

I used to be a “maximizer” in practically every aspect of my life. What this meant to me is: I wanted to make the very best choice at every decision point. For instance, from deciding what restaurant to eat at, what fitness class to take, how to schedule my day, what person to date, what time I should send that email, what I should eat or even what face wash to buy! You name it, I was maximizing it. 

What this mindset trait led to was consistent exhaustion, analysis paralysis, scarcity and ultimately self-doubt. I held onto the belief that there must be one single best decision, and if I didn’t make that decision, I was wasting my time/energy/life (ie. failing at life). It is especially interesting because research demonstrates that maximizers are more likely to be depressed, overly perfectionistic and prone to regret or self-blame. 

I finally hit a wall and realized that leaning into my maximizer tendencies was generally not helpful. My meditation practice and other introspection avenues helped me gain insight into my behaviors, thoughts and emotions. I realized I could separate my sense of worth and identity from the outcome of a decision.

I decided I would rather not waste time and energy searching for the best restaurant every single time we ate out because it was distracting me from the present moment and what really mattered. I still consider myself a foodie and someone who values going to good restaurants, but I no longer grasp every decision so tightly. 

Leaning into “satisfier” traits means that good enough is enough. Focusing on this trait helps create more loving spaciousness in my relationship with my husband. It has also supported me strengthening self-trust, listening to my intuition and increasing my energy levels. 

The good thing is that we all have both maximizer and satisfier traits within us. Which one do you notice driving your primary operating system? Do you see a pattern in your life that you wish to adjust even a little bit? If so, tell me about it! Drop me a note here.

Navigating Curve Balls

Life just threw my family and me a big curveball that is inviting me to bring my mindfulness practice into play in a big way.

Keeping details aside, there are shifting tides happening that spark a lot of anxiety and uncertainty within me. Anxiety that ignites traumatic flashbacks of my sense of security being rocked in past waves that life has brought my way (ie. navigating the medical world, almost losing health insurance etc). 

I had this realization that if this rupture occurred years ago, some sort of 'nervous system collapse' would have been part of my reaction due to overwhelming fear and anxiety. I would have turned into an anxious puddle of frozen tears – not able to think clearly or take wise action. 

However, over the last few weeks, I have paused to recognize and celebrate how my mind and body are meeting this rupture of life in a whole new way. I can physically feel both the fear and anxiety within me while also acknowledging the capacity to stay present, trusting, strong and loving. I can feel the gift of my meditation and mindfulness practice keeping me grounded in equanimity.

All of the inner and outer work that I put into managing my emotions, regulating my nervous system, practicing relational mindfulness and staying consistent with my rituals is giving me the capacity to show up in this “wave” of life to surf instead of drown. 

I share this insight and experience with you because I want you to know firsthand that the inner and outer work pays off! If we make it a priority. It isn’t fluff, woo-woo sh*t or BS. These are essential life skills we need because we can’t learn how to swim in a tsunami. 

This is why I am so passionate about supporting people creating their own toolbox of internal resources so they too know how to surf the uncertain waves of life with more ease and capacity. 

Surfing the waves of uncertainty is definitely still unpleasant and anxiety-provoking, but my practice is helping me meet each moment, moment-to-moment with love, curiosity and trust so that I can think more clearly instead of reacting from fear. I can see this wave as more of an adventure than a scary patch of quicksand. 

On a macro level, our world continues to navigate uncertainty. There is a lot of fear about what’s going to happen to the stock market, the job market, female reproductive rights etc. Learning to navigate uncertainty with clarity and ease begins by finding our feet and creating a sense of grounding.

If you are familiar with chakra work, this first stage is all about connecting to your root chakra and working with a foundation of security, safety and balancing your nervous system responses. 

Feeling myself and my family navigate this new unexpected wave reminds me why I created Centered in the City. Learning how to navigate the unknowns, stay connected to oneself and feel more confident and grounded is how we get to stay “centered” in our modern days lives.

Momma Bear Energy

Overwhelm is when: “life is unfolding at a pace that I find unmanageable in my psyche and in my nervous system.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn
 

Almost every day of the last few months, I wake up with a newfound disbelief in the state of the world. I don’t have to repeat the headlines. I know you can feel them gut-punch you in the stomach or pull at your heartstrings.


It is really challenging to be with the collective suffering of our world. The desire to numb out or say: “f*ck it let’s burn it all down”, is real. There are definitely plenty of nights this last month where I gave myself full permission to veg-out hardcore on the couch watching hours of nostalgic Netflix specials because I wanted reminders of simpler times. 
 

AND, I am reminded of the words of Marianne Williamson, recently shared at the “Mindfulness and Compassion Global Summit” in Los Angeles. To be honest, this was my first time hearing her give a speech, despite running in the 2020 Presidential Election.


One of the most powerful statements she made was that we can’t let our individual traumas (lower case traumas) prevent us from getting political and using our voices. 

I appreciated these words because sometimes the idea of giving ourselves compassion can be misused as giving ourselves a sort of hall pass to “sit this one out”. However, we can’t afford to be passive in life.


This doesn’t mean we have to swing to the other pole and be aggressive and reactive.


Instead, we want to be intentional, purposeful and powerful with how we spend and direct our energy and attention.


What is happening to one person in the collective is happening to us all because we are all connected. We breathe the same air. We share the same ground. We feel the same sunshine. We are all connected.  

We get to practice taking care of ourselves so that we do have capacity to take care of each other.


If your plate is feeling full and your cup is running empty, then this is a great time to reassess your energy management. And we get to practice self-compassion, but in a very intentional way.


As Dr. Kristin Neff highlights in her book, Fierce Compassion, we get to use our Momma Bear expression of self-compassion. This is the type of compassionate presence that’s protecting, providing and motivating. This is the type of energy that can lovingly motivate us to take caring action for self and others.


Not from a place of aggression (because that will lead to burnout real quick), but from a place of fierce, courageous bravery. We get to harness this Momma Bear energy to easefully build our resilience and capacity. 

If you need motivation to keep taking care of yourself, I welcome you to think back to your Power Intention for 2022. We are half-way through the year. Allow your Power Intention to continue to guide you to make intentional choices that fill your cup and give you capacity to feel present. 

And please know that resting, playing and enjoying life is essential to you having capacity to serve and be present. Give yourself permission to play AND participate. 

Mindful Planning

Memorial Day Weekend officially kicked off the summer months here in the United States. As life opens back up with even less restrictions and more “summer fun” in the air, can you feel the pull and push to fill your schedule with travel plans, weddings, family gatherings, reunions, parties, etc?


I have a client that said, “it feels like I need to make all of these plans to make up for lost time. It feels good to see people and to be able to do the things I love, however, I don’t want to go back to being busy as my default.”


Does this sentiment resonate for you?  

If so, I welcome you to practice “Mindful Planning” -- pausing before you make plans to check in with yourself before saying yes or no. It may sound simple, but we can all fall victim to the autopilot yes. 


Instead of entering that slippery slope, take that moment to pause, slow down and notice if saying 'yes' to the plan is coming from a place of want and joy? Or is saying 'yes' coming from a people-pleasing desire, or perhaps coming from FOMO? You may be surprised at what you hear from yourself when you pause to check in.

For instance, you may be someone who loves and values adventure, but your body might also be telling you that it's at capacity for traveling or being social. Your body might be feeling physically depleted from the consistent heartbreaking news or anxious state of our world. It might feel confusing to feel that internal conflict, but when you sit and listen, your body will tell you the truth. And your body will always thank you for listening. Even if the mind is super sneaky about convincing you to have a logical response.
 

Learning to listen to ourselves is one of the greatest superpowers we can cultivate.


That’s why having a consistent mindfulness practice supports us in cultivating the ability to listen and pay attention, moment-to-moment, with kindness and curiosity. Instead of slipping into default mode, we can use our limited resources with intentionality.

If you are looking for more support and inspiration to connect to yourself this summer, the Centered in the City Community has your back. You will strengthen your mindfulness practices to support you staying grounded, present and empowered by your choices.

Resistance to Rest: Exploring the Judgmental Mind

I am currently writing my newsletter from a horizontal position on my couch with the intent to talk about the theme of rest. This has been a consistent theme with my clients recently. Yet, as I type out the words, I notice a voice in my head saying: “don’t share that 'horizontal' detail, people will think you are being lazy and not effective.”

Ha! Right at this very moment, I notice resistance to rest because of a misguided belief that it isn’t productive. It's comical how judge-y our minds can be, isn't it?

I share this because this is how deeply conditioned ALL of our minds are. I noticed this belief that work needs to be hard and uncomfortable. That I can’t do work and be in a restful state. 

We all have certain images and beliefs about what being productive/effective should look like.

For instance, I witnessed a belief that if I was properly being a “writer”, I would be sitting at a desk with my back straight, my butt glued to the chair and my feet on the ground, not moving until I was complete.

However, I know I do my best writing when I am in a cozy corner of my couch, curled up and cross-legged, allowing myself to mindfully munch on a sweet as I dip into my coffee for sensory inspiration. When I give myself permission to do what feels right for me, I feel my whole nervous system relax, and I feel empowered to be my authentic self. 

Our minds hold so many conscious and unconscious beliefs about how to live our lives. How to work. How to love. How to rest. How to be a good ____ (parent, employee, leader, woman, partner, human, etc). The pressure to constantly live up to these expectations is exhausting and toxic for our mental, physical, soulful and emotional wellbeing. 

This month, can you get curious and quiet to hear the inner voices of judgment and be willing to untangle?

Look at the beautiful flowers and buds of Spring, ask yourself and explore the following (or better yet, grab your journal): 

• What 'should' beliefs am I currently holding on to in my personal and professional life?

• What do I actually want to believe?

• What permission do I want to grant myself so that I can live in alignment with my beliefs?

• What would it feel and look like to settle into that permission?

If you are wanting more 1:1 support to untangle from beliefs that are holding you back from living your authentic self, schedule a connection call here to see if working together is a fit. I have 2 coaching spots open this month.

Re-Entry Post Month-Long Silent Meditation Retreat

I just completed my first month-long silent meditation retreat! 28 days and over 500 hours of deeply practicing being present in a very regulated environment. Each moment, moment to moment, was an opportunity to pay attention to see what’s present in the mind, body and senses.  As one of my teacher’s Anushka brilliantly depicted: being on retreat, we get to “put on the wetsuit of silence to dive deep into the depths of our minds and present moment experience and explore.” 

One of the guiding questions and prompts of the retreat, that I think is helpful to come back to in daily life, is to simply ask myself: “What wants to be known in this moment?” Can I be interested enough to observe?

For me, this question gets me out of the planning mind, the ruminating thoughts and into the present moment by checking in. What wants to be known in this moment?

For instance, my heart is yearning for connection; my mind is trying to plan and overly-control my day; my body is tired and needs to rest.

Now, can I be interested enough to observe? Can I watch and be with the pleasant, unpleasant or neutral thought without needing to “fix” it or make it right, wrong, good or bad?

I noticed on retreat how good my mind was at “fixing” my present moment experience instead of just letting it pass through me like the weather.

If you were to ask yourself, 'what wants to be known in this moment?', what comes up for you?

Listen to the Centered in the City’s podcast episodes where I recap my experience in more detail:

Solo Episode: Month-long Silent Retreat Recap

Solo Episode: Eating to Catch Up

Bold & Loving News

3 BOLD and Loving news updates: 

1. I cut 12 inches of my hair off and donated it to help make a wig for someone in medical need. This big bold and loving move came 10 years after my first haircut post chemotherapy. I was beaming with joy, excitement, compassionate heartbreak and gratitude. The body is a miracle that it can heal from cancer and also re-generate an offering to give back.

photo @tabrina.dos.hair

2. My husband and I took the reins back on our lifestyle vision (yes, even in the midst of a pandemic) and booked an airbnb in Mexico for the month!

This is part of our family’s long-term vision to live a few months abroad each year during the Seattle winter months -- an opportunity for us to tap back into Latin culture that fills our hearts and figurative cups.

We have always wanted to pilot this dream and finally did so in March 2020, but we all know how that story ends. 

So here we are.

We said yes to life and made our vision our reality. And it’s interesting to me how the universe shows up for us when we show up in alignment with our truth and bliss.

I had the biggest day of my coaching career, thus far, last week while working from Mexico. I continue to see that when we live in alignment with our vision and values, we can create the life we want to live.

We don’t have to be passengers in our life, watching life “happening to us.” We get to live life! We get to be the driver who stays focused, consistent, connected to our values and listens deeply to our inner self.

And remember, nothing is perfect!

Life is full of both bliss and baggage -- WiFi glitches here and there as well as getting Covid during my biggest facilitation and speaking day! Luckily, we are both recovering well.


3. I am heading into my first month-long silent meditation retreat at the end of February. This will be a month without technology, speaking or coaching.

I am choosing to go inwards and deepen my meditation practice for my own spiritual wellbeing journey as well as to expand my training and capacity as a teacher.

I’m filled with excited, nervous energy mixed with a big splash of scared shitless-ness.

This month-long retreat at Spirit Rock has been on my list for the last few years, and my Power Intention of BOLD and Love are supporting me saying yes in 2022. It feels good to lovingly challenge myself and to already feel growth stretch marks appear around my mind in preparation. 
 

How are you using your Power Intention in 2022?

The Power of Consistency

I recently visited the Oaxacan coast in Mexico. The shoreline is stunning, lined with beautiful golden beaches and dramatic cliffs and rocks. This part of the world is known for great surfing because of the intensity and consistency of the ocean waves. 

I spent days watching, listening, walking and boating the shoreline -- soaking in nature’s wisdom. I watched and listened for the consistent sound of the waves crashing on the shore or splashing against the rocks, every 12 seconds or so. 

What I came to realize is that these beautifully-shaped rocks didn’t just magically appear. They were created that way thanks to consistency. The consistency of the waves and the water molded their unique shapes. 

It dawned on me that this is the power of consistency and why we can pay attention to its strength.


These rocks wouldn’t be carved this same way if the waves crashed once a month or even once a day. They look the way they do because of consistency. Consistency creates change. Consistency creates results.  

Now, some of you might read this and feel a strong reaction from the word consistency -- it might overwhelm you, bore you, light up the perfectionist inside of you or create some other reaction somewhere on the spectrum.


Take note and notice what comes up for you, without judgment.

When we are consistent with wise actions, we will experience wise results. If we are consistent with unwise or unhelpful actions, we will experience unpleasant results. 

During this final month of 2021, I welcome you to reflect and explore the theme of consistency:

• What type of results do you want to create in your life? 

• What does consistency mean to you?

• Where in your life are you most consistent with wise intention and action?

• Where in your life are you most consistent when it comes to unwise or unskillful intention and action?

• Where in your life is calling for more consistency? Where in your life is calling for less?

Exploring Pace

I just returned home to Seattle after 3 weeks of travel, and my ‘pace’ was a consistent point of focus and learning for me as I navigated the world’s hustle and bustle.


This was my first time being on an airplane since March 2020!


The first time being back home in New York City and the first time visiting family and friends in over 2 years. 

I spent a lot of time walking on my trip.


I met people for walks and talks, and I would walk as my primary means of transportation. Exploring New York, Chicago and Boston by foot is the best!


Walking in a city makes me feel inspired and connected.


My average step count was in the 16,000 range, and a few days I even walked about 26,000 steps (aka 9 miles!) 

I noticed something different during my walks.


I noticed how fast my pace was.


It was a strong pace. My walk was determined, focused and present. I felt my heart rate and blood flowing. It was energizing and life giving.

But I also recognized that while I walked at a fast pace, it was harder to slow down.


Or if I slowed down, I actually could feel how tired my body was. And if I slowed down, I needed to spend more energy to rev back up.


Sometimes I noticed I couldn’t even feel my feet as I walked. 

This little observation of my pace is a microcosm for what I notice happens in our world. 

We walk and do life at such a fast pace. Sometimes so fast we can’t feel our literal or figurative feet.


And sometimes the fast pace feels really good. It’s energizing and adrenaline provoking.  

Sometimes there might be thoughts or fears that roll through our conscience that if we slow down, we will fall behind, not get there as fast, won’t want to keep going, or even question where we are walking to or ‘why am I rushing’? 

As we enter the holiday season this month, I welcome you to explore your pace.


Connect to your feet. Notice when it is helpful to move fast and when it’s harmful.


What pace would you like to be walking through this holiday season?

Priority Management

Image by Patrick Buggy

Have you heard of Stephen Covey’s time management analogy with rocks, pebbles, sand and a jar?

Personally, I hadn’t, but when I heard my mentor, Jenny Blake, talk about it on her Free Time podcast, I loved the imagery and wanted to share this with you all. 

Question:

If you have a big jar, rocks, pebbles and sand, how do you get them to all fit into the jar? 

Answer: 

You want to add the big rocks in first, followed by the pebbles, followed by the sand.


If you do it any other way, you won't be able to fit everything in the jar.


This visual is meant to symbolize life and how we choose to use our time and fill our life. Ideally, we want to prioritize the “big rocks” in life first, followed by the smaller “pebbles”, followed by the sand, which symbolizes the extra distractions or excess things to do in life. 

Now what typically happens in our modern day world, and especially with my ambitious and perfectionista clients, is that our minds dream up unrealistic expectations that we can fit too many “big rocks” into our day.


Society also creates these unrealistic expectations that we can squeeze more and more out of our 24 hours.


By the end of the day, we might feel frustrated, burned out and sometimes defeated because we feel we didn’t get enough done or failed because not all of the big rocks got prioritized. 

Can you relate to being in this mindset? 

Let’s pause here and slowly zoom out.


When we use this visual tool, I find it helpful and grounding to realize we aren’t robots or superheroes who can stretch time and make our “jar of life” even bigger to cram even more to-dos.


We are human beings and we get to have a grounded realistic expectation of ourselves about what priorities we actually get done.


We get to do the inner work of untangling from the internal dialogue that ‘we aren’t doing enough’ as well as get even more laser-focused and specific about our priorities.


We get to remember that we can’t be everything to everybody.


We get to remember that it’s ok if all of our “big rocks” weren't taken care of because most likely, there will always be more “big rocks.”

So what do we do?

We remember to pause. To breathe. To get centered and clear. 

We get to give ourselves permission to drop the superhero mentality that we can do it all AND give ourselves permission to detach our worth from our outcomes. 

It’s much more enjoyable to live life from the present moment and celebrate that we are doing enough and that we are enough, instead of creating unrealistic expectations that put unnecessary burden and pressure on us.


Want more coaching support getting centered and being laser-focused with your priorities? Sign up for a Connection Call to explore if coaching 1:1 is a fit. I have 2 spots open this month! 

Boundary Setting

The theme of boundaries becomes a very real and relevant topic to explore as the landscape of our pandemic world continues to shift and evolve.


Boundaries around work, space, people, time, vacation days, communication, etc are all really important to examine.


Who we were pre-pandemic is not who we are now so it is not safe to assume that the lifestyle we rocked pre or even during the first 18 months of the pandemic is what works for us now. And the lesson of how valuable our health and time together is is palpable.


Mindfully paying attention to who and what we decide to spend our time and energy on is essential to our wellbeing. 

Let’s explore. 

What are boundaries? Why do I care about them? How do I work with them? Let’s first highlight what boundaries are because I never knew this term until I went to coaching school.


Boundaries at the most foundational are being able to hear and know yourself with enough clarity to recognize your limits. I like to think of it as knowing your “property lines”--what’s allowed to happen on your property and what’s not.


Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, author and thought leader, shares that boundaries are: “simply our lists of what's okay and what's not okay.”

There are three stages I work with my clients around thinking about boundaries:

1. Awareness

Why is a boundary needed in this scenario? What are we working on protecting? Is it your energy? Your emotions? Your body? All of the above? 

For instance, a client (let’s call her Ali) and I were working on her boundaries with a very needy manager. She felt she was constantly being picked on and micro-managed to the point her energy felt so drained at the end of the day that she lost her sense of self over time. We worked to recognize where her energy leak was coming from and how to establish a boundary line that worked. 

2. Practice 

Now you know where and why you want a boundary line. It is now time to practice! This can be the hardest part for some people.


Ali  communicated this tension with her manager and requested that he give her more space in their 1:1s but he pretty much ignored her. He mentioned he pushes her because he is grooming her for management. Since talking to him seemed to not sink in, Ali needed to embody the boundary line with not just her words, but her actions. She would not respond to his slack messages after certain hours or pick up his calls. She had to stay true to what felt right so that energy wasn’t being sucked out of her like a vampire. 

3. Courage & Compassion

This step is so important and not one to be skipped! It takes such courage to hold boundary lines, especially to people who have a perceived greater sense of power or authority. It is also essential to practice self-compassion when you recognize it feels challenging to hold the physical and or energetic boundary line. The way we talk to ourselves in these moments is so key!

For instance, it took Ali a few weeks with consistent practice to be able to surf the anxiety wave every time she held her unavailable hours. She got to breathe through the tension and we worked together on ways she could soothe her internal people pleasing voice. She now feels so much more empowered at work and celebrates her life and self-worth.   

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~ Brene Brown 


I personally think it can be helpful to have a visual for boundaries. Imagine you are at the center of these circles.

Where in your life are you wanting to set some boundaries?

How do you want to feel?

Think about who and what you want to place in what “property lines.”

Who and what do you want to let in closer to your inner circle?

What do you want to move to the outer circles? What gets to be removed fully?

Now that you have awareness it is time to take action!

Re-Entry

Do you remember your Power Intention you set at the beginning of the year? Yeah...the word(s) or phrase you set to support yourself having a purposeful year? If you can’t remember, it might be a great time to check in. If you want to create one, head here to discover yours.


Our Power Intentions aren’t just here to help us elevate our lives and design a vision for ourselves, but they are here to help us navigate obstacles and challenges so that we can stay focused and connected to what matters most.

Our Power Intentions become a north star— when there is darkness, or when we might feel lost or confused, our Power Intentions support us in finding light, meaning, direction and purpose. 

This practice is so powerful, especially as we are exploring this uncharted territory of the “re-entry” phase of the pandemic here in the United States.

Life is finding a familiar rhythm as restaurants, movie theaters, travel, weddings, parties and working from the office begin to occur in full capacity.

Navigating this amount of noise and excitement can be overwhelming if we aren’t anchored within ourselves.


Connecting to your Power Intention from a mental and felt sense can offer a respite for grounding and a place to put your focus and attention.

We get to remember that as we “re-enter,” we are not the same person we were 1.5 years ago. Our cells are different, our values and insights might have shifted our beliefs and habits.

As we re-enter, we get to “wade” into the water with intention— not assuming we know how to navigate, but resting back into this north star to guide the way.

As one of my meditation teachers, Phillip Moffitt, says, “it is not about resulting.” Instead, life is about being available with the clarity of intention.

To be honest, the re-entry phase is challenging for me. I have had several panic attacks in the last month, which is a new and different experience for me. I am observing what’s occurring with lots of compassion because I know they are here to teach me something.

I am leaning back into my Power Intention of Self-Trust to help guide the way to wise action. Re-entry is not a band aid I want to rip off. It is an experience I want to navigate mindfully. 

Healing Hurry Sickness

Do you experience Hurry Sickness? It is a behavior and feeling of constantly needing to rush—even when there is no need to be moving fast. 

Have you experienced this before? I notice Hurry Sickness is showing up way more with clients now that life is opening up.

I used to have this feeling all of the time, and it occasionally creeps back in. It is this feeling that I need to move faster, type faster, read an email faster in order to cram-in everything I should and want to be doing. There is this internal wiring and belief that if I move faster I am somehow more productive. 

However, I know that isn’t really true. Being aware of hurry sickness is such a game changer to how I structure my time, my energy, my attention and my list of priorities. 

When I experience Hurry Sickness, I tend to fall into what feels like a trap.

It is like I am strapped to a treadmill on “speed walk” and there is no way to slow it down unless I trip and fall off. Hurry Sickness feels like bottled up anxiety that is ping-pong bouncing around in my system. I feel scattered, reactive and jumpy.

When I am in this state, I notice I am not able to be present or focus my attention.

This creates a domino effect and ruins my ability to do meaningful work and truly feel present and productive. It also forces my nervous system to feel like it is in overdrive. 

I feel like the motivation and drive to get sh*t done is coming from an invisible handle tapping on my shoulder saying “faster” instead of trusting and listening to my own rhythm and pace. 

What I have practiced over the last 10 years has changed my life. I have learned to untangle and heal (for the most part) from Hurry Sickness by “practicing the pause”. 

Practicing the pause is all about interrupting that wound-up pace and coming back to my center to feel grounded. Practicing the pause is like being a big boulder in the middle of the stream. Practicing the pause is like being a grounded mountain and letting life happen around me—observing instead of reacting or responding. 

Practicing the pause brings me back to my breath and back into my body so I can be in the present moment no matter where I am or what I’m doing

It's Like This

Let’s talk about waiting….Are you waiting for something right now?


Waiting for your body to heal? Waiting for the perfect job to be available? Waiting for the right partner to come into your life? Waiting to get fully vaccinated? Waiting for summer to arrive? Waiting for an email?

I notice when I find myself waiting for something, I let impatience take over and get the best of me. I get really frustrated with reality. I feel my mind not be in the present moment, but more so focused on what could or should be happening. It is like I am fighting with reality.  And then when I reflect on the time I spent “waiting,” I realize I just frustratingly wasted time. I let time, this precious gift, get lost in the sauce of my mind. 

Here are a few things I have been playing with to support myself practicing patience and playing the "waiting game" with more ease: 

1. Pause and recognize the sensation of impatience. For me it typically feels like a temper tantrum in my feet and hands. My heart beats faster and my body wants to move or my mouth wants to say something.
   

2. Breathe in my present moment experience. I let my feelings of frustration and the sensations of impatience be present--not making it right, wrong, good or bad.
   

3. Say to myself: “It’s like this.” In this very moment, this is what is. Let me embrace and accept it (even if I don’t like it). Accepting it allows for there to be more ease because I am not resisting the present moment. Saying to myself, “It’s like this” calms my nervous system and allows me to feel acknowledged.”It’s like this” brings me back into the present moment.

No need to fight with reality. No need to create more frustration and agitation in my mind or body. “It’s like this.”

GROW

Spring is here in the northern hemisphere and I couldn’t be more excited! 

Spending a lot of time in nature these days, I am using my mindfulness practice to pause, listen and observe. 

Watching the trees and flowers bud inspires me to explore what’s budding and growing within me, and think about where I want to see growth. It’s kind of a hallmark observation, I know, but the resiliency of plants to keep growing, transforming and showing up season after season, especially under harsh weather conditions, is so inspirational!

I wanted to share with you a coaching model to support your growth this spring season. I find this model helpful as we emerge from winter and begin to emerge from quarantine. There is more hope and possibility as life within us and around us blooms again. 

The model is based on the acronym: GROW. 

G= Where are you GOING? What’s the GOAL?

R= What is your present REALITY? Where are you RIGHT now? 

O= What OPTIONS and/or OPPORTUNITIES do you have to get there?

W= What’s your WILLINGNESS? 

As you think about this spring season, how do you want to mindfully grow? I encourage you to take some time to reflect on these prompts below. 

First, notice in this moment, what is your relationship to the word growth? Does it feel exciting? Scary? Adventurous? Bold?

1. Ask yourself, what goal do you want to meet this spring?

2. Explore, where are you right now? What’s working well? What do you wish were different?

3. What are the various options and possibilities of how you can meet your goal? (You get to brain-dump as many possibilities as you can).

4. How willing are you right now to take action on a scale of 1-10? (1= low and 10= high). You want to make sure there is high enough will and want to support you moving through any fears/obstacles/blocks. 

The theme of growth is dimensional and complex. If we aren't growing, then we are staying stagnant or dying. Growth doesn’t always mean some big stretchy goal was accomplished. Sometimes growth can mean that we learned something new, opened our hearts and minds to a different experience, tried to cook a new recipe, or expanded our meditation practice from 5 minutes to 6 minutes. 

After coaching people for over 8 years, there are many limiting beliefs that arise around the theme of growth. Some common thoughts are: growth is scary, hard, too difficult, it will take too much time, it won't be worth it, I will only do it if I know I will succeed, etc. Noticing what limiting beliefs arise for you is helpful. Compassionately calling out any limiting beliefs will help them not feel as powerful. However, if you notice you are feeling stuck and want support creating a supportive mindset for growth, reach out to me here. OR maybe you notice you want more clarity, ease and accountability to grow, message me here. We can set up a call to explore how you want to grow this season with intention.  

Join me for the 30/30/30 Challenge

Are you feeling the quarantine fatigue these days? I know I have hit my own wall on numerous occasions over the last few weeks, even while being in the LA sun. It is hard to believe it has almost been a full year of being in quarantine.  

This new chapter of quarantine fatigue feels like this antsy energy in my body that just wants to explode. My mind hits moments of feeling foggy and my patience has dwindled. Emotions of gratitude, joy, frustration, anger, and boredom blow in and out like the wind. 

Labeling my symptoms helps me normalize my experience and realize this is not me, but this temporary moment in time. This is the context of life right now. When I look at my experiences from that angle, there is more ease, permission and spaciousness to feel and acknowledge whatever is present. I don’t have to sugar coat it or “spiritual bypass” the moment by turning it into a positive. I can fully say it sucks and feel uncomfortable while also taking intentional action so I don’t feel helpless. Both can co-exist. 

My meditation and mindfulness practices help me stay present with the tension I feel when experiencing something uncomfortable so that it can flow through me and get metabolized in its own time. It is similar to the sensation of holding a plank– you can feel yourself shaking, you can feel your muscles getting stronger, yet at the same time, it is an uncomfortable sensation. The more I can be with that discomfort and breathe into it, the more I can feel the “tearing down” of my muscles, which in reality is making me stronger. Instead of focusing on the pain, the uncomfortable sensations, noticing the critical self-talk etc., I put my focus back on my values and have room for both experiences to exist. Taking action in alignment with my values supports me accepting my thoughts and emotions, but not letting my emotions dictate me. 

In order to manage this phase of the quarantine fatigue, I’m taking action with my value of connection. This month, I am running a 30/30/30 challenge. I will be hosting 30 30-minute connection calls in 30 days during the month of March. The intention of these one-on-one calls is to live my value of connection and connect to you, my community. This is an opportunity to learn more about each other, ask questions, share resources, get advice, give advice, laugh, feel human, and feel heard. 

If you are interested in claiming a spot, sign up here. We can do walk/talks (my personal favorite) as well as video calls. I’m so excited to connect with you! 

Exploring Pace

What’s your current pace?

If you were to calculate your average pace these last few days (from a non judgmental lens), what number would you give yourself? This doesn’t have to be a scientific calculation, but maybe you notice you are running at 100 mph, or you’re moving slow at 10 mph, maybe your engines aren’t even on or you’re somewhere in between it all! What information can you gather? 

Pace has been a theme I’ve been sitting with for the last few weeks. Learning to slow down to notice, feel and sense pace has been a helpful practice in managing my energy, emotions and mindset. It supports me detangling from the unsustainable and invisible shackles of the capitalistic values of what productivity looks like and helps me be less emotionally reactive.

My pace for the last few days has averaged around 15 mph, even though my husband and I just drove from Seattle to LA. It has felt pretty amazing to start the year off with a slow and steady speed, even if there are moments when my mind gets impatient and wants to speed everything up, I realize the value in going slow and finding my own pace to own.  

What is pace? To me, pace signifies the speed at which I move through life. During quarantine, I don’t have the hustle of my commute, but there is still both an internal and external sense of speed to meet deadlines, complete projects, show up in relationships, cook dinner, clean the house, etc. 
 

I’ve witnessed my speed increase when I have coffee and sugar, and it decreases when I have alcohol or tea.

My internal pace increases when I speed walk and decreases when I do my slow flow pilates routine.

My pace increases when I feel my daily calendar is too full and my pace decreases when I pay attention to my breath and breathe in for 5 and out for 5.

My pace gears up if I look at my phone before meditating in the morning and my pace decreases when I don’t have my list of priorities set ahead of the day.

When I work with a speedy pace, I can feel more accomplished, make more mistakes and get out of the perfectionist mindset.

When my pace is steady, I feel my creativity come alive. I feel more present to the little moments of life and I can witness my emotions with more equanimity. When my pace is slow I can feel rested as well as feel tension in my mind and hear that inner critic saying, “I am wasting time.” 

Noticing these themes gives me more insight to make intentional choices so that there is less reactivity and more ease in my life. 

How might exploring pace be a helpful prompt for you in your life?

Want to explore pace further? Check out Centered in the City for a guided meditation and mindfulness exercises to support you further. You will get access to the platform for a free 7 day trial.