The act of giving used to be difficult for me. And I would be lying if I said it still wasn't a conscious practice. However, I have learned to tap into an authentic way to “give”, from a place of abundance. Giving from the heart feels damn good!
Holidays, birthdays, weddings and fundraisers are all opportunities to celebrate and demonstrate how much we care about our community. In North American culture, the expectation is to give through physical gifts or financial donations. When faced with the holidays or even a birthday celebration, I could often feel my body and nervous system tighten with fear. Thoughts of, “Gahh what am I going to get this person?” or “I don’t have much money to spend, how will they know I care?” My scarcity mindset would get triggered. My value of love bumped heads with my fear of spending money. I’d get wrapped in thought loops where I believed that giving and being generous could only come through money.
Practice these three steps below to challenge your own scarcity mindset and, instead, choose generosity. Ask yourself these questions as a journaling prompt, a question you want to sit with during meditation or on a solo walk in the park.
1. Ask yourself, what does being generous mean?
I untangled myself from the unhelpful belief that, in order to be a generous person, I had to be abundant with financial resources. I did this by grabbing my journal and exploring what generosity truly meant to me. I realized I was entangled in society's definition of generosity, not my own. Exploring generosity in more depth, I determined being generous is about giving love and presence.
This demonstration of love and presence can take many forms. I value expressing love by cooking and baking for people. I love giving my time and attention. I demonstrate presence by practicing deep listening—remembering what people say makes them feel valued. Learning what generosity authentically meant, to me, helped empower me to express it in my own way. I no longer feel pressured to “give” in a way that doesn’t sit well.
2. What does it feel like to be generous? What does it feel like to act from scarcity?
Tuning into our bodies for answers and insights is key. Noticing and labeling physical sensations we feel around giving can offer helpful cues so that one can respond to the situation more skillfully. Being generous is a conscious choice. When I am generous, I feel warmth in my chest. I notice a desire to care for people. Being generous feels really damn good. It feels even more delightful when it’s shared from an authentic space. I want them to feel loved and seen. When I act from scarcity, I feel my body shut down. It feels yucky and dirty. I tighten. I feel my heart close off. Paying attention to these physical sensations lets my brain take a pause to evaluate the situation. When I notice the unpleasant physical sensations of scarcity kick up, I ask myself this next question so that I can take action from my values. Not my fears.
3. Ask yourself, who do I want to be in the world?
Who do I want to be in this world? Big question, I know, but it helps us get out of tunnel vision and instead, think about how we want to show up in our communities. Asking myself this question connects me to my values. I understand what’s important to me. I think of who I admire and why. I reflect on what feels meaningful and important. If scarcity sensations are present, I ask myself, who do I want to be in the world? It helps me visualize a loving, generous and open person. When I can visualize those values, I can begin to feel them, and they give me strength to act from an intrinsic place of want.
I welcome you to take time this holiday season and explore these questions. Allow your insights to support you untangling from any societal pressures. Instead, give from your own unique senses and perspective.