The last 6-months opened my ears to a whole new layer of communication.
The theme of ‘Mindful Communication’ has been a popular corporate offering to enhance connection and psychological safety during times of uncertainty. The last few months, I took the time and space to examine my own communication patterns. As I do in all of my work, I walk beside my clients.
I can’t teach or facilitate what I am not practicing myself.
Communication is truly the foundation of our relationships. It’s a thread that helps us feel safe, seen and connected to one another. It can be so easy to say, “I am a fine communicator,” but the way we choose our words can easily also be interpreted as a weapon or an olive branch depending on the situation.
If we just point fingers at how other people communicate, but we don’t pause to explore our own impact, we risk creating division.
As social beings, this skill of communication is essential to our well-being–even the way we communicate and cultivate a relationship with ourselves!
The other night, after I co-hosted this amazing in-person event with Centered in the City members and my co-host, “Hey Danie Bakes”, I reflected on how it went. Everyone shared how amazing they felt after movement and meditation. How delicious the food was and how special it was to connect with people in person.
And yet, the critical mind chirped up and said, “You could have done better.” The critical mind gave me a whole running list.
As I drove home (yes, I drove!), I lovingly laughed at myself. My loving, wise inner self said, “Wade, you spent the night focused on nourishing your soul. Nagging, judgmental Judy’s voice doesn’t feel very nourishing, does it?”
I got into a warm bath and put my hand on my heart. I felt an inner emotional bruise in the center of my chest.
I can be unnecessarily harsh on myself, as most of us can be. Instead of allowing toxic thoughts to spread and bring me down a spiral, I brought my mindfulness practice to the suffering.
I didn’t ignore my pain.
I gently met my pain and whispered: “Ouch, this hurts. It’s okay, sweetheart. I see you care deeply about your work and want a positive impact. May I know I am not the only one who tends to be self-critical. There are other people like me.” I remind myself I would never talk to a baby the way I talk to myself.
This moment of self-compassion was like an inner healing love balm. No matter how often I learn the lesson, I get to keep learning it.
I will continue to practice communicating through kindness—internally and externally.
As we transition into a new season, it might be a great opportunity to explore your communication patterns.
One of the ways we can examine our communication, which I learned from Oren Jay, a Buddhist teacher and author, is to ask ourselves without judgment:
How truthful am I being?
How kind am I being?
How helpful am I being?
How timely am I being?
These pillars of mindful communication can help us explore what areas of communication we most commonly express ourselves from and growth opportunities.
Have an insight? Share with me.