Kindness is the Answer to Grief

Oof. Like most people, this month has felt like a sucker punch to my stomach -- taking the air and balance right out of me. At this moment, life feels scary and uncertain; a new layer of grief, doom and gloom feels pending. What I have learned about loss and grief is that it takes the wind right out of your sail, and it’s important to heal and rest. But we also have to be careful not to go down the road of despair for too long. When we do that, we let all of the gas out of our tank, and we give up on what’s possible. Right now, my biggest fear isn’t what’s going to happen after the elections, it's more so that I hope we (people who are voting for Biden/Harris) don’t let our emotions of hopelessness and helplessness make us give up 34 days before the elections. The last push is always the hardest. 

When I lost my mother 10 years ago while going through chemotherapy, my whole world stopped turning. The ground beneath me disappeared and my body felt numb -- you could put an ice cube in the palm of my hand and I wouldn’t flinch. The only thing I could feel was this hollow emptiness inside my soul echoing when I cried. Death made me immobile for a while. Even though I kept getting out of bed every day, working out and going to chemo, I couldn’t think about “being productive” or giving back. My cup felt so empty and hollow. 

10 years later, I feel a slight wave of the similar grief surging through my heart. Not only because I just honored a 10 year memorial for my mother, but I feel the grief of progress. The progress that the Obama Administration made to protect nature, to bring our country one step closer to universal healthcare, and the progress RGB created for women and the LGBTQ+ community. My biggest fear is that we will collectively let our grief hold us hostage. We will let our grief dismantle us before we reach the election finish line. 

What got me through my darkest days going through chemo and holding my mother’s grief, was not only my meditation practice, but it was being kind to others. When I got on the bus, I would look into the bus driver’s eyes and ask, how are you? I wanted to make sure they felt appreciated and seen. This action was only slightly selfish because it gave me strength to see others light up and be witnessed. So right now, when your tank might feel empty and you want to give up, it is essential to keep going and think about the greater world you want to see. It’s not about being productive. It is about doing the right thing. I keep asking myself: what side of history do I want to be on? What change do I want to be a part of? What’s just one moral and kind thing I can do at this moment? 

It’s going to take effort -- I am sorry to say. It is going to take effort and when your gas tank feels low or you are accustomed to only taking care of your immediate family, it might feel uncomfortable. Internal comments like ‘this is so inconvenient’ or ‘this is hard’ or ‘this is taking too much of my time’ might pop up. These thoughts popped up for me the other day when I was volunteering to register voters, but I kept going because I want to act from my values and stay connected to the vision of the America I want to be a part of. 

What vision of America do you want to see? What action can you take from your values? If you are experiencing grief, know you are not alone. Give yourself a lot of compassion and take note of how you are personally experiencing grief. Here are some signs and symptoms from the Mayo Clinic. Ask yourself, what’s one tiny act of kindness I can do for myself and others at this moment? What’s just one moral and kind thing I can do at this moment? 

Equanimity Practice During the Covid-19

Normally this time of year has a palpable energy and excitement in the air as the northern hemisphere starts to feel springtime vibes – longer days, flowers blossoming and warmer temperatures. There is a shift from hibernating over the winter months to more extrovert playful energy. But this spring is different. This season of our lives, we are being asked by health officials to spend time inside our homes – creating an opportunity for us to pivot from our normal schedules to slow life down and get back to basics. Have you felt that shift?

I have noticed a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts over the last few weeks. Feeling the highs and excitement/gratitude of being home, in my own bed, grounding back into a routine, cooking some of my favorite dishes, and being of service to my community. To the lows of my heart aching for my hometown of New York City. For all of the doctors/nurses/EMT/first responders/hospital workers who are putting their health on the line to take care of us. For the names and faces of each person we have lost. And then everywhere in between. What I know is that this emotional roller coaster is normal. And we each have our own version – peaking and falling at different rhythms and points and expressing ourselves in various ways. This is where equanimity can be a supportive practice. When we practice equanimity, we are finding balance in the present moment, observing our current emotions without clinging or grasping to them. Instead we can witness the emotion as something flowing in and out. I like to visualize it as the wind or the rhythm of the ocean – rising and falling. It allows the emotion to have motion instead of feeling sticky or stuck – congesting both the mind and body. Practicing equanimity can offer us more emotional balance and ease so that we respond to situations from a centered state instead of from reaction. Would this be helpful for you right now?

If so, in this moment, notice what are the current emotions you are experiencing? Use this emotion guide to help you label them. If you create a spectrum of your current experience, where would you place yourself? What would it look like and feel like to be rooted in the center? Noticing the “winds of emotions” are fluid experiences. 

Ex. I am currently feeling sadness

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Sadness Hope

Listen to the Equanimity Meditation Practice Here. 

These times we are in create an opportunity for doing less and being more – a time to be still, to listen, to observe, to witness. This stillness might feel uncomfortable at times and know that is normal. It might feel luxurious at other times and know that is normal. Wherever you feel and wherever you fall on this spectrum, can you practice experiencing it through the lens of equanimity? 

Learn more about equanimity here: https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/equanimity/

This month I am bringing back the Journal Circle during the month of April, but this time it is the virtual addition in order to support us cultivating more equanimity. Learn more here.

Why journaling? Research conducted by psychologist James Pennebaker demonstrates journaling strengthens our immune systems and can support healing from past trauma or current stressful events.

The intention of this journal club is to create space for:

• Community connection 

• Personal reflection 

• Life integration 

New to journaling? No worries! Anyone and Everyone is welcome to sign up! All you need is a journal & pen.

New Year. New Decade. Create Your Power intention

Grounding myself with a word or short phrase is one of the most powerful tools I practice, year after year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with all of the individual "things" I could do in 2020, it helps to create a personal statement of intention that supports me when making decisions, creating priorities and shifting my mindset. I use my power intention to take action. Whenever I feel stuck, I re-ground into my power intention to help guide the way. Do you have your own ritual? If not, selecting an empowering word or phrase is a great way to clarify and prioritize your desires and wants -- supporting you living and loving your life.

In 2019, JOY was my power intention. I incorporated this sparkly, loving energy into my mindset at night when my head hit the pillow and in the morning when I awoke. Using JOY as my focus supported me cultivating more gratitude, having more ease and living with a more playful demeanor, which was game changer in my relationships and approach to my business. I know from the power of coaching, "wherever your intention goes, your energy flows." When I plant my power intention, I get to focus my gaze and watch something important grow.

My power intention for 2020 has two primary words: "Trust and Receive.” For me, trust means to have trust in myself, the universe, other people and the timing of it all. “Trust” supports me letting go of needing to control and be a perfectionista. Instead, I get to soften, open my heart, live in flow and have faith all will work out. “Receive” is another word I have been playing with, and I can’t wait to learn from it and live into it even deeper. Receive means to be a sieve not a sponge to life. I get to receive the gifts of life that I want to keep and let go of anything that doesn’t serve me.

As I set my power intention for a new year, I get to pay attention to what Trust and Receive feel like in my body, what activities help me tap into these words, and how I get to choose ‘Trust and Receive’ on a daily basis. These words get to be the lens through which I experience life over the next 12 months. How exciting!!!
 
Now it’s your turn. What is your one word or phrase you want to embrace in this new decade as your power intention?

To support your reflection process, walk through these steps and see what you discover:

1.  Journal the prompts below:

• What are you celebrating from 2019? Where do you see some gaps?

• How do you want to feel in 2020? (Describe in full detail)

• What would your life look like if you gave yourself full permission to do, to be or to say anything?

2. Reflect on what you just wrote, and circle all of the words that stand out to you. Now, narrow it down to one, two or three words (no more than that or it just turns into a laundry list). Pay attention to what word(s) support how you want to feel and be in 2020.

3. Ask yourself: Does this word (or words) create an empowering phrase for me? If yes, you got your power intention for 2020!

If not, narrow your word choice down by closing your eyes and breathing each word in and out. Notice which word stands out to you the most and note whether it brings you tingles, opens your heart, creates some fire in your belly or makes you smile. What word(s) help inspire the year you want to live? These are typically signs that you discovered something meaningful.

4. Now, create a visual for your power intention. Whether is it a fancy drawing or a post-it note, place a visual of your power intention where you will see it on a daily basis.

Take note as the perfect word or words come alive for you! Please share! (in-person, email, social media, snaps, grams, by phone, or in the comments below!) If you did this activity last year, take a moment to reflect and connect. See what dots aligned and what you might want to do differently this upcoming year.

5. Use it or lose it. Let's start integrating your power intention into your life right away. Join me for an in-person or virtual Intention Setting Party workshop to help you take your Power Intention to the next level. Learn more here:

In-person Seattle Workshop January 11th @ 11am

Virtual Workshop January 13th 6:30-8pm PST

Savor Family Time

I just returned from an extremely privileged two week vacation where the primary theme was family. My husband and I traveled to Italy to celebrate my dad’s 75th birthday, visited London to see my aunt, uncle and cousins and, finally, we soaked up nephew time in New York City for Thanksgiving. 

The theme that I reflect on post this journey is how precious time is. I have already learned the preciousness of time when I was diagnosed with cancer almost 10 years ago, but I am now reconnecting to it in a whole new light. Instead of time being scarce and holding my belief that there isn’t enough time in life because it can be too short, I am focusing on the gift of time. No matter how long we live, there are many opportunities for special moments and memories. 

I share this theme because many of us may travel home or visit family during the holiday season and have an opportunity to connect to important people in our lives. This time we get to spend with them can truly be precious. I know I used to take Thanksgiving and holiday celebrations for granted. I assumed they would always be there with the same cast of characters. But that isn’t the case. As everything in life, change is constant. As events and people change, there might be a tendency to get upset as we see our parents age, relatives faced with illness or family members act differently than our memories tell us. I welcome you to practice savoring the moment because even if your time with this person isn’t ideal, it is still a moment and opportunity you have to be with them.

During my family trip, anytime I felt myself want to detach, withdraw or zone-out, I reengaged with the present moment. I’d ditch my phone in the other room and let curiosity be a gateway to be present and build meaningful face-to-face connection time. Asking simple questions about my dad’s childhood or my uncle’s relationship to my grandmother were all stories I would never have known if I wasn’t curious and in the present moment, able to listen and soak them in.

As you celebrate the holidays this year, who are the people you want to truly connect with? What questions or experiences do you want to share with them? Remember that time is precious, so go for it! Take advantage of the memories you get to make this holiday season. Enjoy the ordinary just as much as the extraordinary.

Permission

I have been coaching for over 5 years and one of the most common blocks I hear people share is that they feel they don’t have time for self-care. Their reasoning typically sounds like: “Amidst work, travel, personal responsibilities, kids, and maintaining friendships, where is there time to cook healthy meals, exercise, meditate and create introspective space, etc.?” I get it. We all have 24 hours in the day and we all use our time differently based on our values and priorities. And of course privilege influences the amount of support and extra hands or resources you can use to multitask and take back some of your time. But even if there is a 30-minute window in your day where you think about squeezing in a workout  or if you want to decline an invite to a dinner party with friends so that you can get a good night’s sleep, the hesitation isn’t necessarily that “I don’t have time to do everything I want.” The hesitation is from a deeper block: can I give myself permission to use this time for myself? Can I choose myself over someone or something else? 

I welcome you to explore:

Where in your life do you notice you get caught in this conversation? Where in your life is calling for permission? Maybe it is permission to go to bed earlier? Permission to take a workout class during your lunch hour? Permission to say no to a dinner party? Permission to leave the dirty dishes in the sink overnight? Permission to not be a perfectionist? Permission to feel your feelings? 

This act of giving oneself  permission is a practice in self-compassion. It is where we can soften that voice that says do more, be more, go faster, don’t stop and instead sprinkle some words of understanding so that we soothe and comfort ourselves and know we are enough and doing enough. We don’t have to feel guilty for picking ourselves over something else. Instead, the mindset can switch to picking myself is healthy. We get to remember that it is not sustainable to give 110% to everyone and everything if we are not filling our own cups first. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t want to silence this voice or cut motivation and drive. Hell no. But we do want to make sure our tanks are full so that we are living and grooving instead of feeling depleted, exhausted or burning out.

This is the act of self-care that is sustainable. It is the inner work we get to refine so that life on the outside feels in alignment and we can live in our flow. 

Print out these permission slips and keep them by your desk, fridge, bedside table, etc. Remind yourself that you deserve to be the authority of your own life. 

Cut the Small Talk. Let's Get Real & Connected

Photo by Antenna on Unsplash

There is an art to creating deep connection to others that we aren’t inherently taught in our society. And with the influence of technology and our phones constantly in our faces, we weaken the skills on how to create meaningful connection. Sherry Turkle discusses in her 2012 TED Talk the concept that we expect more from technology than we do of each other. We are afraid of human intimacy. You may think, no way, I love talking and seeing my friends. But I am curious, how often do you have a meaningful conversation with your friends, co-workers, family members or strangers? And if you don’t love being around people, how do you get your meaningful connection time?

Conversations that have to do with real life, meaningful topics versus logistical everyday forms of communication. Oh boy, do I sometimes get this in this trap, especially with the ones closest to me. I love me some good planning conversations. But, I know constantly having these types of superficial conversations isn't want "fills my cup." Connection is one of our basic human needs and desires that helps us thrive!

This summer, I get the opportunity to spend time with a lot of close friends during wedding season, have visits with family, meet new people at BBQs or events, and I for one am excited to ditch the small talk and create more meaningful conversation and connection. So instead of staying on the superficial level of “How’s your summer going?” I will take it a layer deeper. I recognize when I have more meaningful connection time, I am less likely to try and fulfill myself with over-snacking or numbing out in the cyber social media world. Do you want to do the same?

The next conversation you are in, take it to the next level by asking open-ended questions as well as deeply listening and holding space for the other person (without technology in your face). You can practice relational mindfulnessand be present in your body and put your focus on the words spoken. Be curious and explore what happens when you peel back another layer:

Open-ended questions to play with:

• What has been your favorite part about your summer so far? WHY? (the why is key and we learn so much when we ask this!)

• What’s one of your favorite childhood summer memories? Watch them light up and let your curiosity lead you to explore more!

• What excites you the most about what you are doing in life?

• What feels challenging or hard right now?

• How do you like to spend quality time with yourself?

• What’s marriage teaching you?

• What’s your favorite part of your typical work day and why?

• What’s one thing you really want to experience before you die?

Be mindful about what unfolds in others when you not only create the space for someone to be seen and heard, but what unfolds within yourself. Do you light up more? Do you feel more accomplished or nourished? Share with me here what comes up!

Where in your life is calling for a YES?

Last week, I got back from a spontaneous week long retreat in Tulum, Mexico with one of my coaching mentors. I bought my flight 5 days before I left and it was probably one of the most impulsive big decisions I have ever made (!), but I am so grateful I said YES to myself.

When this opportunity presented itself to me, I felt my logical brain say, “this doesn't make sense, I already made commitments that I don't want to cancel.” I could also hear this little internal voice chirping at me saying, "I don't deserve it. This is too extravagant. You are traveling too much already." Have you ever experienced that nagging logical voice before?

While processing this decision, I recognized I was trapped in a story that I didn’t deserve this trip. I was feeding the story that keeps me small and safe in life. And when I listened deeper to myself, I could hear this trip was what I truly wanted. I turned inwards to the voice and said, “I appreciate you showing up and telling me this is a big and important investment (financially, time and energy), but I do deserve this and this IS what I WANT!” I bought my ticket, said yes to taking bold moves and trusted I could easily adjust my schedule without inconveniencing others. And guess what? It all flowed smoothly! I had an amazing opportunity to do some deep healing, spend nourishing time in nature, visited a new part of the world, connected to an amazing community of women and had my schedule organized perfectly for when I returned.

This experience allowed me to feel what saying yes to myself feels like on a completely different level. I allowed myself to receive this gift and opportunity instead of letting guilt or the logical shoulds of life keep me in my ordered lane of life.

Where in your life is calling for a YES? Where have you been restricting yourself or holding yourself back? If you were to say yes, what would be different in your life? Celebrate with me here.

The Wind of Shoulds

Do you ever feel like life is happening to you instead of you taking charge of your choices? Do you feel like life decisions, both big and small are already laid out in front of you because “hey, that’s what everyone else is doing so I should be doing that?”

If so, you are not alone! I have noticed in my own life, and in the lives of my clients and friends who all share a similar socio-economic background, there is a common feeling that since high school your life is road mapped in front of you, full of everything you should be doing and by when. For instance, you should go to college, graduate in 4 years or under, get a well paying job, spend a lot of your excess income on experiences, date a bunch of people, finally decide to settle down, start saving and adulting, get married before you are 30, rescue a dog, buy a house, have kids and work for the rest of your life, and if you are lucky, retire early, finally have a chance to travel more, watch your grandkids grow up and then die. Does any of that sound familiar to you?

Having majored in American Culture, I have always been really interested in studying and observing the societal norms that influence our behaviors and choices. In my recent discussions with people, I notice there is this desire to not “fall into the trap” of living the normal American life. In exploring this topic on my own, I recognize I feel what I call the “wind of shoulds”– that gentle push for people to follow this similar path in life, and it only moves in one direction. And when you have the desire to deviate from the path, the “wind” makes it a lot harder to move. For instance, when I decided to move to Argentina after college with a one-way ticket, it felt like I was doing the craziest thing. Yeah sure, it was way more common for people to take a few months off to travel before jumping into a long-term job, but it was not so common to hear the return date was TBD. Making that choice to move felt so right for me, but there was that wind blowing in my face as I walked in the “wrong direction.” After being married almost 5 months, it is interesting how the “wind of shoulds” have appeared again. I feel the winds pushing us in the direction of adopting a dog or that it is time for a baby. But in fact, that isn’t what my heart is telling me what’s next. Instead, my heart is calling for another adventure, and as my husband and I start to collaborate and dreamstorm, I feel the resistance of the winds blowing in my face.

What this experience is teaching me is to notice whether or not I am paying attention. Am I listening to what my heart really wants versus the shoulds of our culture? I am ever more clear on my wants in this stage of life and learning ways to not let the winds inhibit me from creating what my heart wants.

Are you feeling the “wind of shoulds” pushing you in a direction you aren’t sure you want to take? Are you ready to get clear on what your heart is indeed telling you it wants? If so, celebrate a big milestone birthday and the gift of life with me!

I am gifting the first five people who respond a 1-hour coaching session where you get to decide how much you want to pay for the session and 100% will be donated to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Claim your spot here and may we all use the gift of life to live more intentionally.

Savor vs. Consume

As the bright lights of the holidays twinkle and glow, I am reminded of how much I want to savor this time versus consume it. I want to savor and soak in the warmth of fireplaces, the sound of clinking glasses, the touch of cozy sweaters, and the smell of roasted veggies cooking in the oven.

Yes, the holidays can be a hustle and we can be sucked into "consumer-ville" if we let ourselves get caught in the whirlwind, but I have noticed over the years, what keeps me present while doing less and being more is focusing my attention on savoring the moment versus consuming it. Whether that moment is listening to a conversation, enjoying a piece of chocolate or sipping on my coffee, savoring the experience makes it way more rich and fulfilling. When I savor the experience, I actually feel like I am able to enjoy it fully and receive it. Consuming food, consuming gifts, consuming an experience makes the process feel empty and I am never satisfied. I want more and more because neither the taste, sights or sounds ever feel like enough. And living in a consumption mindset sucks because it means you are constantly striving for more and that shit can get exhausting.
 

So this holiday season, I welcome you to practice the art of SAVORING. 

What are you committed to?

What are you committed to? 
 

The theme of commitment has been on my mind lately. Probably due to the fact that I am getting married in 10 days (!) and have been reflecting on this word as I write my vows and step into this next chapter. It has been a powerful practice to explore what commitment means to me and where and what I am committed to in all areas of my life. The way I define commitment is having a deep sense of focus and being consistently dedicated based on my intentions and actions.

When I reflected on this prompt a few weeks ago, some areas of my life felt very obvious that I have been committed to. For instance my mental, emotional and physical health. I recognize this is an area that I am constantly making a priority in my schedule, putting my financial resources towards and following through with action. Then there are some areas I think I am committed to because I have been in the past, but when I look at the current results, I recognize I haven’t put the action in full gear. I had this realization with some of my friendships, which was hard to recognize, but also super powerful because it gave me insight on where I get to course correct.

In a world where everything is changing and moving at the speed of light, even our attention spans, it is powerful to think about where are you focused and what are you constantly dedicated to and showing up for?  Sometimes we can think or say, I am committed to my health and have the intention to be, but then there might be a lack of action because we never make it to the gym or fit our meditation practice in. Or maybe you have heard yourself say, I am committed to finding a romantic partner, but then there is a lack of consistent action in setting up dates and following through and then frustration and self-defeat arise because you are not having the results you want.

“Commitment is an act, not a word.”- Jean-Paul Sartre

And sometimes we might over-commit to life. Saying we want to do all of these things (learn how to sail, study a new language, cook more, find a partner, travel etc.) and then our plate can get too full and instead of doing well and following through with intentional action in certain areas, we half-ass a bunch of stuff and never get to where we want to be. Any of this ringing a bell for you?

 I welcome you to ponder the word commitment with me this month. Think/journal/discuss where in life you are truly committed. Ask yourself: What am I constantly dedicated to? And get yourself to truly look at the “proof in the pudding.” What are am I celebrating about my commitment levels? Where do I see some gaps that I can fill?

 

Mindset for the Eye-set

Create a mindset for the eye-set. This is something I practice on the regular but especially during times of overwhelm and stress.
 

Our mindset shapes our ‘eye-set’, what we focus on and how we see the world. Typically, our mindsets are trained by culture, our upbringing and our schooling. One of the things we are taught to constantly look for is what isn’t working: what I want/don’t want, the hole, or the gap in something. However, when we keep our attention focused on what’s missing or what we don’t want or can’t do, that’s where our energy flows. And that energy can feel heavy, dark, gloomy, uninspiring and depressing. Can you relate? It’s not the most ideal situation when you’re already feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

As I enter the final month before my wedding, launching a few work projects and juggling responsibilities, I know that gliding through this crunch time means I get to take care of my wellbeing and “tighten up” my routines.

However, I noticed as I laid in bed the other night, dreamstorming my plan of action for the next month, that my mind jumped to thoughts of ‘I need to cut out sugar’, ‘Don’t eat carbs’, ‘Don’t make plans during the week’, ‘Don’t get stressed out’, etc. This thought process happened for about a millisecond before I caught myself from spiraling into a prison of restriction and turmoil. I paused, grabbed hold of the reins and quickly changed my mindset to what I actually want to feel, experience and be, especially during this crunch time.

For instance, I want to feel relaxed and spacious, I want to feel healthy and glowing, I want to be loving and grateful. The moment I switched my mindset, my eye-set (the lens in which I am looking at life through) changed. I no longer felt those shackles and gloomy energy of everything I wasn’t allowing myself to do, feel or be. Switching my mindset didn’t just change the lens in which I viewed the situation, but it created an energetic shift inside of me where my heart felt more open and I had more energy and excitement for everything that is about to come.

I welcome you to try paying attention to your mindset this month. Create a mindset for your eye-set. Train your mind to control the way in which you see the world and situations. Make life work with you, instead of against you.

Celebrate your mindset shifts with me here. Or noticing you want more support shifting your mindset, send me an email here.

Communication is Key- Why do you talk?

Communication is a hot topic in my life at the moment. And let’s be real. It is an important aspect of everyone’s live—in both the professional and personal spheres.

As my fiancé and I prep for marriage, we are less consumed with the wedding weekend dates and more interested in talking about our vision, creating systems and structures within our own relationship. And a key part of connecting and creating something is communication.
 
During one of my recent silent meditation retreats, one of my meditation teachers Dori Langevin, shared the acronym WAIT when discussing the importance of timely speech.  The acronym stands for Why Am I Talking. I loved this! It is so simple, yet so powerful! Speaking is a gift. Our word choices really matter. Whatever we decide to share to either others or ourselves has an impact. In order to ask yourself why am I talking, it is important to find that pause or to take a minute and WAIT.
 
As most of you know, I am all about the pause. I practice the pause in my own life as well as support clients being able to strengthen their mindfulness muscles to practice the pause so that they can reflect to connect and then make more intentional choices. 
 
Practicing this acronym has supported me in connecting to my intentions for communicating. During my pause, I get to ask myself, why and what do I want to be contributing? Am I just speaking because I want my voice to be heard? Can I add value here?
 
Where in your life do you see the practice of the pause and using the WAIT acronym can support you?
 
Want more support grounding into a new fall routine? I got your back.

Movement Meditation

 recently completed my first 5-day silent meditation retreat and I am about to do another one next week! Ahh!

If you had asked me a few years ago if I would do a silent retreat, I would have said heck no. I didn’t think I could be silent or meditate for that long. Nor did I WANT to. But let me tell you, these five days of silence were one of the most healing and amazing experiences I have had in a long time. I typically preach how self-care can be practiced on a daily basis in #MindfulMoments, and I never really understood why going on a retreat would be beneficial since it isn’t “real life.” But now I have a totally new perspective. This 5-day retreat was all about creating an immersive, protected and sacred container to dive deep into my own practice and reach new levels of awareness that I can’t typically connect to in a world full of over-stimulation. This 5-day retreat became a training ground where new seeds of practice and awareness were planted so that I can water them and integrate them into my life moving forward.

The theme of this meditation retreat was called Body Wisdom. All of our meditations had a suggested focus on connecting to the current experience of the body. For someone who thought I already had a strong mind/body connection, I was taken to a deeper level. One of my favorite new meditations we practiced was all about connecting to the four elements in our body: earth air, water and fire. Check out this meditation on my Centered in the City podcast.

A lot of you have asked me what it was like being silent for five days. Was I able to use my phone or read? And the answer is no. No technology, no reading, no journaling, and no speaking to each other! Some people even chose not to engage in eye contact. The only writing that was allowed was during the teacher’s talk as a form of note taking. The teacher explained, “Reading a novel is reading someone else’s story and journaling is getting caught in your own story. The idea is for you to be present and connected to your current experience.” I loved this description because it gave me full permission to tune in verses get trapped in my internal experience.

The practice of meditation was woven into the daily schedule. We had 45-minute sessions of alternating between sitting, walking, and lying down meditation throughout the day from 6am to 9pm. We were encouraged to take this mindful awareness into our daily activities, transition moments, while we ate, sipped on tea, brushed our teeth, etc. Emphasizing that there is no “turning off,” “zoning out,” or “numbing out.”

I also loved getting a chance to practice some Qi Gong—which is meditation in motion. Click on the video below to watch a few different exercises I incorporate into my morning meditation routine to support opening my heart center, and living from the gratitude of my body and life.

These practices in addition to so many more get to be exercises in flexing my mindfulness muscles to tap into the wisdom of my body. When I listen deeply, there are layers of experience. As my teacher, Heather Sundberg, says, “There is the experience of the body from the internal, external and both at any given moment.”

Which pathway do you typically use to listen to the wisdom of your own body? Which one do you want to start listening to in your practice?

Qi Gong Practices:
 

The intention of the first two practices is to give and receive love and kindness
 

The intention of the second series of practices is to open up the the second chakra, heart and head
 

*** With both practices challenge yourself to slow down your breath and movement ***

New Year Power Intention

Happy New Year!
 

Welcome to 2018! If you follow me on social media, you know I am so pumped to share one of my favorite New Year's Day activities with you! This activity helps you create a mindset intention for the year so you can stay focused and connected to how you want to be in 2018. In essence, I want to welcome you to think about one word -- or a few words, a phrase -- that you want to use as your 2018 powerful intention. 

Grounding myself with a word or short phrase is one of the most powerful tools I practice year after year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with all the individual "things" I could do in 2018, it helps to create a personal statement of intention that supports me when making decisions, creating priorities and shifting my mindset. I use my empowering word to take action. Whenever I feel stuck, I re-ground into my power intention to help guide the way. Selecting an empowering word or phrase is a great way to clarify and prioritize what your desires and wants are -- supporting you living and loving your life.

In 2017, I welcomed the word abundance as my power intention. I wore the lens of bounty and inclusivity, which allowed me to not only think more abundant thoughts, but create more abundance in my business and personal life.  One of my biggest takeaways after playing with the idea of abundance this year is that abundance is always available, even in those moments of scarcity. I can choose to see the plethora of opportunity, options and win/win scenarios versus keeping my mindset on what's not working, where there isn't enough. I know from the power of coaching, "wherever you attention goes, your energy flows." Meaning, when I keep my eyes on the "prize" that's what gets to comes alive.  

My power intention for 2018 is BOLD & light.  These words will guide me as a north star to making decisions and choices aligned to what being bold and light means to me. Anytime I get suck, want inspiration or don't know what to say, I get to useBOLD & light to help guide me through.

What is your one word or phrase you want to embrace in 2018? 

To support your reflection process, let me help you pick the perfect word for 2018:

1.  Journal the prompts below:

• What are you celebrating from 2017?
• How do you want to feel in 2018? (Describe in full detail)
• What would your life look like if you gave yourself full permission to do, to be or to say anything?

2. Circle all of the words that stand out and then narrow it down to three.

3. Ask yourself: Do these three words create an empowering phrase for me? If yes, you got your phrase for 2018!

If not, narrow your word choice down by closing your eyes and breathing in and out each word. Notice, which word stands out to you the most? Note whether it brings you tingles, creates some fire in your belly or makes you smile.

Watch as the perfect word or words come alive for you!

4. Create a visual of your word/words. Whether is it a fancy drawing or a post-it note, place a visual of your power intention somewhere you will see on a daily basis.

5. Please share! I love hearing what north-star, you create! Comment below or share some love on social media @onewade. 

What do you want more of in life?

Photo credit @lovedanielleoh

A question I like to simmer with, especially when there is a shift in the calendar and we transition into the flow of Fall. I get excited to journal about it, explore possibilities with my partner and ask the people I love. I get so excited about the abundance of possibilities we all have! As a coach, I know that what we want in life, we can create. But we can’t create what we don’t know we want. I often hear clients feel lost, trapped or confused because they swirl in the question of “what do I want?” And the second they allow themselves to think bigger or outside of the box, the “dream killing” thoughts start knocking at the door. “Oh I could never achieve that.” Or “I don’t have the time or resources to do both.” Or “I am not educated enough for that.” Sound familiar? Our rational mind kicks into high gear to question if we can truly live the life we want to be living. And it makes sense that our rational mind is talking to us because all it truly wants to do is protect us. But sometimes we allow those thoughts to keep us small and immobile, and then we end up not growing or going anywhere. Have you had that experience before? Me too! And this is what I do: Every time I hear those grim reaper thoughts floating in, I say to myself, “hello, thank you and goodbye” and transition my eyes and my heart to focus back on what I do want to create.

Now here is the twist... you might be like, Wade... I already create to-do lists, try to set goals or create my vision boards, and I say WOOHOOO, way to go! However that is not enough. It is one thing to get your ideas formulated and out there, but there is an even deeper importance to tie what you want into how you are being. So I welcome you to take this question a step deeper this month. Instead of keeping your gaze on just the external (what do I want more of in my life?), turn your gaze inwards and explore how am I embodying what I want in life? If you want that new job position, that relationship, that wedding, explore how you want to be in all of those scenarios. What is the feeling, the essence you want to have when you accept that job, when you walk down the aisle or when you step into intimacy. (hint: you don’t need to spend money or take another class to find it, it is already alive and inside of you).

Now if you are ready to step into beingness, I have the perfect program for you. I am super excited to announce my Mindful Moment workshop that has traveled around the country and is now expanding and going virtual! You read it right. Launching next week, I am opening registration for an opportunity to join a co-ed live virtual group program where you will not only create a consistent meditation practice, but each month you will take a deep dive into embodying the pillars of mindfulness. You will learn how to add more patience, non-judgment, kindness and trust into your life so you can sleep easier, be more productive and create equanimity so life doesn’t take charge of you, but you take charge of life. Sign up to be the first to know here! More information and celebration coming soon!

What are you clinging to?

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety or possessions—we cannot be free” – Thich Nhat Hanh

A few months ago during one of my meditation trainings, we explored the concept of grasping. The idea is that as humans, we love to cling and hold onto our emotions, sensations, beliefs and perceptions. We hold on tightly and trick and train our brain into thinking  these beliefs form our true identity, when in reality we are purely meaning-making machines. Clinging shows its face in many forms. For instance, we grasp onto emotions we experience by saying “I am sad” or “I am angry” versus “I am experiencing sadness” or “I am noticing signs of anger.” We literally want to white knuckle that emotion and make it our identity. I know in the past when I have said, “I am angry,” I am way more likely to sit and grasp onto that anger and frustration way longer than if I were to say “I am noticing some anger arising in me.”  Expressing the latter sets me free from the emotion and allows me to recognize I have a choice in how I want to feel instead of letting the feeling control and consume me. I get that this verbiage doesn’t sound colloquial, but there is a real energetic mind shift that occurs when you use it.  Clinging also arises from the expectations our mind creates. We might paint a picture of how a scenario was supposed to go, yet reality happens and plans turn out nothing like we imagined. Instead of going with the flow and being present with the current situation, our mind is grasping onto our failed expectations. Sound familiar?

Exploring all the ways my mind grasps onto things is fascinating! I get to recognize how my mind wants to find some sort of control, meaning and purpose out of every situation. This helps me realize that I tend to be living in the past and not in the present. That is where my meditation practice comes into play. Having a consistent practice to pause and breathe creates space for me to notice what my mind wanders to (ie. a story in the past, a feeling, anticipation of something in the future). Instead of hushing the thought or trying to shut it down, I want to welcome it in and then practice placing it off to the side. When I can separate the thought from me, I get to examine it from a different perspective and I feel so much lighter and more free. The more I get to practice this concept of letting go, the easier I am able to manage my emotions and energy during the rest of the day. I am able to be more present and focused.

This month is the perfect time to explore the thoughts you are clinging to. Let the slow pace of August create space for you to pause, breathe and gain awareness. Check out this letting go meditation on my new Centered in the City podcast.  Examine what your mind clings to and learn how to ditch the unnecessary baggage. Recognize the consistent thoughts your mind wanders to, and create space so that you can recognize you are more than your thoughts. Learning to be aware of what your mind clings to, and to let go of your thoughts, will allow you to become more present and focused.
  
After you practice the meditation, feel free to use these journaling prompts:  
 
What type of thoughts do you notice your mind clings to?
Where in your body do you feel those sensations?
What type of patterns or observations do you notice?

Celebrate!

July 4th is just a few days away. What are your plans to celebrate? Whether you are going to light a sparkler or not, this long holiday weekend is the perfect time to think about how you celebrate the little and big markers in life.

For instance, we are officially halfway through 2017. Instead of racing through the second half of the year, I want to welcome you to take a moment to pause and reflect on all you have accomplished this year, big or small. Take 5 minutes right here, right now to brain-dump all of your accomplishments. Maybe you moved cities, changed jobs, met your savings goal, made three new friends, got an award at work, tried a new workout regime, went on a date or started cooking more at home. Whatever you accomplished, make sure to CELEBRATE! If you set your 2017 word of the year, take a moment to look back at your intention and check your alignment. Do your current accomplishments line up with the essence of your word? If you have been consistently practicing and connecting to your intentions, it is pretty amazing to see what happens when you stay focused.

Now, when it comes to celebrating, there are so many ways to do it! You can scream and jump up and down like you won the lottery, you can call loved ones to share the exciting news, you could treat yourself to an indulgent day at the spa, or go out to a delicious dinner. How do you celebrate? Personally, I love celebrating big and small milestones with food! Food is a creative expression that gets to create connection and a shared experience for all of those involved. So, whether you are celebrating the 4th of July, that we're halfway through the year, your individual accomplishments or just the fact that it is summer, think about how you want to celebrate. If you also love celebrating with food, check out my Summer Fuel Pinterest board for some delicious BBQ and summer-inspired recipes.

Here are just a few things I am personally celebrating this moment:

I am celebrating the launch of my new meditation podcast! Woohoo! Centered int the City Podcast is a place and virtual space for you take a mindful moment, pause and connect. This podcast is full of modern meditations you can practice anywhere at any time. All of the meditations are geared to supporting you navigating the twist and turns of living in the rhythm of the city. If you are interested in celebrating with me and helping to spread the word, email me here and you will enter to win some prizes! I will be sending another email when it officially launches in a few weeks.

I am also celebrating my up coming meditation workshop at The Riveter on July 12th. If you haven't heard of the Riveter yet, it is an amazing co-working space designed by women for women, emphasizing wellness in the workplace. If you are in the Seattle area, I would love to see you there! I will be leading a 45-minute workshop combining light stretching, meditation and discussion. It is a great way to break up your week and feel more energized and centered (without having to put on activewear). 

Finally, I'm celebrating that I reached a personal financial savings goal! In January, I had a clear understanding of the total amount I wanted to save by July 1. I divided that total by 6 months so I knew exactly how much I wanted to save each month. Breaking this big financial goal into mjni-goals made it feel more attainable and realistic. There is so much power in getting clear about what you want and going after it!   

All of these celebration align to my 2017 word, abundance, because I have stepped outside of my comfort zones, connected to the plethora of opportunities and felt the freedom of choice. I am looking forward to celebrating all of this and so much more over several BBQs filled with family and friends this weekend! I'd love to hear what you are celebrating and how you are celebrating! Feel free to share on social media and tag @onewade #SummerofSelfCare.

Productivity and Play

Summer has officially arrived, woohoo! Which is so exciting, but it also can be frustrating for a lot of us who spend our days inside on the computer, in meetings, or in the car traveling to appointments. Our natural desire to be productive clashes with our human desire to play outside and bask in the sun.  

In order to not feel trapped by our lives and structure, I want to welcome you to think about where you have more freedom and flexibility to make your time feel productive and playful versus being in the "one-or-the-other" mindset. So much of our lives we trap ourselves in boxes, certain ways of thinking or doing. For instance, our culture likes to depict cleaning our house as being a purely productive activity. We automatically equate relaxing in the sun by the pool to "playing around". But in our modern society, we get to be creative and make life a both/and. It all starts with our mindset. So, this summer, I want to welcome you to flip the script and explore where you can make productivity and play a both/and, rather than an either/or. 

This doesn't have to be just in the workplace, it can also be practiced with your various house chores or personal responsibilities. For instance, I'm working on making gardening feel both playful AND productive. I am approaching gardening not from a "have to" mindset where this chore must be crossed off the list. Instead, I think of it as a way to be playful with my partner as we do something productive for our house and physical space.

One of my clients, Kathy, is practicing embodying this both/and energy in her workday so that she doesn't feel resentful to her job during the summer—a time when she wants freedom and fun in her life. During our session, Kathy and I explored her routine to find where she can shift her mindset of feeling like a prisoner to her schedule into a mindset of having flexibility with her time. I asked her to think about her transitions and how she can make her transitions not only feel productive (since they are  a means to an end) but also be a place where she can sprinkle some playful energy. Some ideas she brainstormed were: trying a different form of commuting (ie. biking to work vs. driving, taking a new route home); taking her lunch break outside so she could get sun and fresh air; or taking a walk with a co-worker for a dose of social interaction and connection. By shifting her mindset to focus on where she does have more control over her schedule, she was able to add some intentional, playful energy into her productive schedule. 

In the past, I had another client discuss resistance to doing dishes because it felt like a miserable chore. The impulse was to put the dishes off, but this just made the situation more daunting and overwhelming. So, instead of feeling guilty and overwhelmed, we reframed her mindset and found some play in the chore. She decided to put on her favorite song and dance to the music trying to finish their stack of dishes before the song was over. Not only did she have fun listening and dancing but she had fun racing against the clock trying to beat her previous time. 

These are simple examples, but there are endless ways to make our actions and decisions a both/and so that we don't feel trapped by our thinking or black/white way of being. The first step to shifting your mindset is gaining awareness. Take some action below.

To add both play and productivity in your life, follow these steps:
I invite you to pause and reflect on your life right now. Take a moment to jot down where there is a strong desire to be productive in your life and where you are also faced with some resistance (ie. working on a project, studying for an exam, organizing a closet etc.) If you are finding there are a few spots, brain-dump them all down, then circle the one that is the most prevalent. Take your circled item and brainstorm how you can make this action feel more playful (see image below). As you focus on the play aspect, notice how your body starts to feel. Typically people feel lighter, more bubbly and flexible. Pick which playful option excites you more and BAM... you have both a playful and productive activity on your hands. 

Feeling stuck with this activity? Send me a note and I will help you out.

Using the "C" Word

Want to know how to use the "C" word in a powerful and purposeful way this summer? I am talking about communication, yo. 

How often do you find yourself trapped in a communication pickle with a co-worker, family member, partner or even yourself? Typically a communication roadblock occurs because there is a conflict in expressed values, the inability for people to deeply listen or judgments that prevent us from being present and truly holding space for a two-way conversation. Communication has been a hot topic in my life recently, so I want to share some ways I'm practicing the art of communication.

In general, there are four types of communicators:

1. PASSIVE COMMUNICATORS — individuals avoid expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs.
2. AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATORS — individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others.
3. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATORS — individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect or behind-the-scenes way.
4. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATORS — individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others.

What kind of communicator do you think you are? What kind of communicator do you want to be? What is one tiny action step you can practice today that leads you to the type of communicator you wish to be?

I don't know about you, but I want to be an assertive communicator—a person who deeply knows myself, what I want, what I value and asks for what I need while caring for others. In the past, I've realized I oscillated between being too aggressive with my blunt NYC potty mouth while also expressing myself passively because I was more concerned about how others would feel, based on what I shared. These styles of communication left me feeling small or angry and didn't allow for a balance of being bold yet loving. After doing so much self-development work over the past several years, I am proud to say I am finding my balance and stepping into my assertive shoes. This doesn't mean I do it perfectly every time, but I have reached a point in my life that I respect myself deeply enough to allow my voice, my dreams, my wishes, my thoughts, my body and my soul to be expressed while also respecting the people around me. I honor that my actions and words also affect others. One of the ways I paid attention to the way I was communicating with myself and others was looking carefully at the type of language I used. I observed if my words were full of "I can't" or "I have to." I noticed if my emails or conversations were full of "sorries" or if I tip-toed around questions or comments with a phrase like "I just want to say..." instead of being bold and f*cking saying what I want with clarity and confidence. 

Communication is an essential piece of the self-care puzzle. If we don't know how to listen deeply, and communicate to ourselves, then it makes it even harder to communicate to others. That is why I am super-pumped to announce that my virtual group program Summer of Self-Care is back and better then ever! This 6-week program is dedicated to supporting women knowing who they are, what they want and how to take care of themselves from the inside out so that they can use the "C" word in a powerful and purposeful way.

If you are wondering if this program is for you ask yourself these three questions:

1. Does your mental self-talk affect your confidence and ability to go after what you want? (ie, go on that date, post that picture to Instagram or apply for that new position?)
2. Are you hungry for tools that help you be more intentional about the way you take care of yourself and set your schedule? (ie, create rituals for morning and evening routines)
3. Are you ready to feel your healthiest, most powerful and boldest self this summer? (in mind, body and soul?)

If you answered f*ck YES to all of these questions, then this program is your jam. Applications open Wednesday and there is limited space and already a waitlist! Be the first in the know by signing up here. Early bird pricing ends May 18th and the program officially begins June 12th.


Here are some words from a previous Summer of Self-Care member:
 

"I signed up for the Summer of Self Care program. I wanted to look into some coaching support to help me with some long-standing personal goals that I haven’t been able to achieve for one reason or another. Wade has helped me break down the reasons why I’ve felt blocked and provided some simple yet powerful tools that I can use to make progress towards my goals. Instead of feeling anxious and frustrated, I find myself relying on new practices - such as meditation - to feel confident and focused about what I want to do, and how to go about doing it. Wade’s program and methodology helps to define the skills I need to not just exist but truly live and thrive. It’s been such a rewarding experience and I would recommend it to anyone who’s ready to make some positive changes in their life." -MR

 

If you are feeling stuck, at a cross roads or are yearning for more growth this summer click here to discover ways you can make yourself a priority without the shame or guilt. Let your inner summer sunshine glow! 

The Big Picture

A few weeks ago, I had a career decision to make. I could stay in my same schedule and routine, playing life safe and in my comfort zone. Or, I could let go of some responsibilities that were no longer in line with my vision, shake life up a bit and take a risk. Oh boy, did I hit a paralysis analysis frenzy while making this choice. I kept weighing the pros and cons, using coaching techniques on myself, and I felt so stuck, until my own coach said to me: “Wade, what’s the bigger picture here?”

If I were to make a choice, which choice would lead me to my bigger picture? BAM. This magical, simple, pure question brought me so much awareness and clarity (this is why I LOVEEE coaching!). My logical mind wanting to keep me safe and out of “danger’s way” by sticking with what I know. But I needed to listen to my heart- and soul- goals. I knew it was time for me to let go of certain responsibilities and make space for what I truly wanted to step into. When I realized I was taking a step towards my actual, big picture goal, the risk didn’t feel so scary. Instead, it felt good and so right. Letting go of the comfort, familiarity, and routine helped open so much space for me. And when I made space, that was when the good shit starting flowing in.

As humans, we sometimes hold on too tightly to our roles because we think our label alone defines our value and identity.  Letting go of a job title, parting ways from a particular friend group, breaking up with a boyfriend/girlfriend or even moving cities feels scary. When we let go of something, we aren’t entirely sure who we are or who we will be without it. 

This is a completely normal feeling for humans. Seth Godin, an author and entrepreneur writes, “Discomfort brings engagement and change. Discomfort means you're doing something that others were unlikely to do, because they're hiding out in the comfortable zone. When your uncomfortable actions lead to success, the organization rewards you and brings you back for more.” Instead of viewing the letting-go and discomfort as a negative experience, one that calls for panic and the desire to white-knuckle-life even more, I want to welcome you to think about what space you are creating. Celebrate the unknown and potential for growth!

Growth reminds me of one of my favorite childhood stories: The Story of Imelda, Who Was Small. Essentially, Imelda was so small she had to sleep in a shoebox until (spoiler alert) someone recommended she sleep in a big girl’s bed so she would actually have room to grow. This “big girl’s bed” was scary and overwhelming at first, but Imelda finally grew into the bed and now lives happily ever after! Creating space and having some extra room in your life opens doors for new opportunities and the process helps someone truly grow into their own skin. Spring is just right around the corner. What space do you want to create so that you can let some pretty beautiful things grow?

Feeling stuck on what your bigger picture is? I got your back. Coaching is one great way to start taking charge of your life.