Giver or Taker?
Years ago, I attended a self-development and leadership training in San Francisco. One session in particular stands out. The instructor stood by a flip chart with a thick red line down the center. On one side, the word "Giver" was written; on the other, "Taker." We were invited to reflect on how we give and take in our lives.
It was a defining moment for me. I realized that for so many years, particularly during and after chemotherapy and while mourning my mother’s loss, I was mostly “taking.” I had been focused on self-care and survival, with little left to give to others.
But sitting in that workshop, I felt an overwhelming wave of gratitude. I recognized that without my community's support, love, and generosity, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Community care and generosity are essential parts of the “well-being pie.” We need each other to survive and thrive as humans. Giving and taking is a dance. I know I want to be a giver to my community so that people feel loved and cared for.
As we inch towards the holiday season, I invite you to reflect on how you’re being a giver and supporting your communities.
Let’s be real—most of us grew up with images of giving shaped by classic stories like The Giving Tree, which shows a view of giving that can lack boundaries. Many of my coaching clients are natural givers, yet often forget to give to themselves or struggle with setting boundaries to ensure they don’t deplete their own reserves.
Giving can be challenging when you’re in survival mode. For some, survival mode might mean barely meeting the basic needs of safety, shelter, money and food. For others, it could mean feeling overwhelmed to the point where it’s hard to move out of your head and into your heart.
Recently, I began volunteering at Northwest Harvest (a food bank in Seattle) and have found it incredibly rewarding. I used to think I didn’t have time to volunteer consistently, but those 3.5 hours on Monday afternoons have become a highlight of my week.
My tasks are simple—sorting cans or bagging apples—but the impact feels real. I show up to give my time and energy without expectation, and yet, I receive so much joy in return. There’s joy in connecting with fellow volunteers, joy in working together like busy ants, and gratitude for being part of something larger than myself.
Service
Acts of service—whether volunteering, making soup for a neighbor, or even buying coffee for a stranger—are powerful ways to open our hearts and enhance well-being.
This is why I’m a huge advocate for self-care. By caring for ourselves, we build the capacity to fully show up for others. The world needs that now more than ever.
How might you give to someone today without expecting anything in return?
And if you feel so depleted, how can you give to yourself? Or even, how can you give yourself permission to take from your community so that you can use that for fuel to show up for the world?