Boundary Setting

The theme of boundaries becomes a very real and relevant topic to explore as the landscape of our pandemic world continues to shift and evolve.


Boundaries around work, space, people, time, vacation days, communication, etc are all really important to examine.


Who we were pre-pandemic is not who we are now so it is not safe to assume that the lifestyle we rocked pre or even during the first 18 months of the pandemic is what works for us now. And the lesson of how valuable our health and time together is is palpable.


Mindfully paying attention to who and what we decide to spend our time and energy on is essential to our wellbeing. 

Let’s explore. 

What are boundaries? Why do I care about them? How do I work with them? Let’s first highlight what boundaries are because I never knew this term until I went to coaching school.


Boundaries at the most foundational are being able to hear and know yourself with enough clarity to recognize your limits. I like to think of it as knowing your “property lines”--what’s allowed to happen on your property and what’s not.


Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, author and thought leader, shares that boundaries are: “simply our lists of what's okay and what's not okay.”

There are three stages I work with my clients around thinking about boundaries:

1. Awareness

Why is a boundary needed in this scenario? What are we working on protecting? Is it your energy? Your emotions? Your body? All of the above? 

For instance, a client (let’s call her Ali) and I were working on her boundaries with a very needy manager. She felt she was constantly being picked on and micro-managed to the point her energy felt so drained at the end of the day that she lost her sense of self over time. We worked to recognize where her energy leak was coming from and how to establish a boundary line that worked. 

2. Practice 

Now you know where and why you want a boundary line. It is now time to practice! This can be the hardest part for some people.


Ali  communicated this tension with her manager and requested that he give her more space in their 1:1s but he pretty much ignored her. He mentioned he pushes her because he is grooming her for management. Since talking to him seemed to not sink in, Ali needed to embody the boundary line with not just her words, but her actions. She would not respond to his slack messages after certain hours or pick up his calls. She had to stay true to what felt right so that energy wasn’t being sucked out of her like a vampire. 

3. Courage & Compassion

This step is so important and not one to be skipped! It takes such courage to hold boundary lines, especially to people who have a perceived greater sense of power or authority. It is also essential to practice self-compassion when you recognize it feels challenging to hold the physical and or energetic boundary line. The way we talk to ourselves in these moments is so key!

For instance, it took Ali a few weeks with consistent practice to be able to surf the anxiety wave every time she held her unavailable hours. She got to breathe through the tension and we worked together on ways she could soothe her internal people pleasing voice. She now feels so much more empowered at work and celebrates her life and self-worth.   

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~ Brene Brown 


I personally think it can be helpful to have a visual for boundaries. Imagine you are at the center of these circles.

Where in your life are you wanting to set some boundaries?

How do you want to feel?

Think about who and what you want to place in what “property lines.”

Who and what do you want to let in closer to your inner circle?

What do you want to move to the outer circles? What gets to be removed fully?

Now that you have awareness it is time to take action!

Re-Entry

Do you remember your Power Intention you set at the beginning of the year? Yeah...the word(s) or phrase you set to support yourself having a purposeful year? If you can’t remember, it might be a great time to check in. If you want to create one, head here to discover yours.


Our Power Intentions aren’t just here to help us elevate our lives and design a vision for ourselves, but they are here to help us navigate obstacles and challenges so that we can stay focused and connected to what matters most.

Our Power Intentions become a north star— when there is darkness, or when we might feel lost or confused, our Power Intentions support us in finding light, meaning, direction and purpose. 

This practice is so powerful, especially as we are exploring this uncharted territory of the “re-entry” phase of the pandemic here in the United States.

Life is finding a familiar rhythm as restaurants, movie theaters, travel, weddings, parties and working from the office begin to occur in full capacity.

Navigating this amount of noise and excitement can be overwhelming if we aren’t anchored within ourselves.


Connecting to your Power Intention from a mental and felt sense can offer a respite for grounding and a place to put your focus and attention.

We get to remember that as we “re-enter,” we are not the same person we were 1.5 years ago. Our cells are different, our values and insights might have shifted our beliefs and habits.

As we re-enter, we get to “wade” into the water with intention— not assuming we know how to navigate, but resting back into this north star to guide the way.

As one of my meditation teachers, Phillip Moffitt, says, “it is not about resulting.” Instead, life is about being available with the clarity of intention.

To be honest, the re-entry phase is challenging for me. I have had several panic attacks in the last month, which is a new and different experience for me. I am observing what’s occurring with lots of compassion because I know they are here to teach me something.

I am leaning back into my Power Intention of Self-Trust to help guide the way to wise action. Re-entry is not a band aid I want to rip off. It is an experience I want to navigate mindfully. 

Healing Hurry Sickness

Do you experience Hurry Sickness? It is a behavior and feeling of constantly needing to rush—even when there is no need to be moving fast. 

Have you experienced this before? I notice Hurry Sickness is showing up way more with clients now that life is opening up.

I used to have this feeling all of the time, and it occasionally creeps back in. It is this feeling that I need to move faster, type faster, read an email faster in order to cram-in everything I should and want to be doing. There is this internal wiring and belief that if I move faster I am somehow more productive. 

However, I know that isn’t really true. Being aware of hurry sickness is such a game changer to how I structure my time, my energy, my attention and my list of priorities. 

When I experience Hurry Sickness, I tend to fall into what feels like a trap.

It is like I am strapped to a treadmill on “speed walk” and there is no way to slow it down unless I trip and fall off. Hurry Sickness feels like bottled up anxiety that is ping-pong bouncing around in my system. I feel scattered, reactive and jumpy.

When I am in this state, I notice I am not able to be present or focus my attention.

This creates a domino effect and ruins my ability to do meaningful work and truly feel present and productive. It also forces my nervous system to feel like it is in overdrive. 

I feel like the motivation and drive to get sh*t done is coming from an invisible handle tapping on my shoulder saying “faster” instead of trusting and listening to my own rhythm and pace. 

What I have practiced over the last 10 years has changed my life. I have learned to untangle and heal (for the most part) from Hurry Sickness by “practicing the pause”. 

Practicing the pause is all about interrupting that wound-up pace and coming back to my center to feel grounded. Practicing the pause is like being a big boulder in the middle of the stream. Practicing the pause is like being a grounded mountain and letting life happen around me—observing instead of reacting or responding. 

Practicing the pause brings me back to my breath and back into my body so I can be in the present moment no matter where I am or what I’m doing

It's Like This

Let’s talk about waiting….Are you waiting for something right now?


Waiting for your body to heal? Waiting for the perfect job to be available? Waiting for the right partner to come into your life? Waiting to get fully vaccinated? Waiting for summer to arrive? Waiting for an email?

I notice when I find myself waiting for something, I let impatience take over and get the best of me. I get really frustrated with reality. I feel my mind not be in the present moment, but more so focused on what could or should be happening. It is like I am fighting with reality.  And then when I reflect on the time I spent “waiting,” I realize I just frustratingly wasted time. I let time, this precious gift, get lost in the sauce of my mind. 

Here are a few things I have been playing with to support myself practicing patience and playing the "waiting game" with more ease: 

1. Pause and recognize the sensation of impatience. For me it typically feels like a temper tantrum in my feet and hands. My heart beats faster and my body wants to move or my mouth wants to say something.
   

2. Breathe in my present moment experience. I let my feelings of frustration and the sensations of impatience be present--not making it right, wrong, good or bad.
   

3. Say to myself: “It’s like this.” In this very moment, this is what is. Let me embrace and accept it (even if I don’t like it). Accepting it allows for there to be more ease because I am not resisting the present moment. Saying to myself, “It’s like this” calms my nervous system and allows me to feel acknowledged.”It’s like this” brings me back into the present moment.

No need to fight with reality. No need to create more frustration and agitation in my mind or body. “It’s like this.”

GROW

Spring is here in the northern hemisphere and I couldn’t be more excited! 

Spending a lot of time in nature these days, I am using my mindfulness practice to pause, listen and observe. 

Watching the trees and flowers bud inspires me to explore what’s budding and growing within me, and think about where I want to see growth. It’s kind of a hallmark observation, I know, but the resiliency of plants to keep growing, transforming and showing up season after season, especially under harsh weather conditions, is so inspirational!

I wanted to share with you a coaching model to support your growth this spring season. I find this model helpful as we emerge from winter and begin to emerge from quarantine. There is more hope and possibility as life within us and around us blooms again. 

The model is based on the acronym: GROW. 

G= Where are you GOING? What’s the GOAL?

R= What is your present REALITY? Where are you RIGHT now? 

O= What OPTIONS and/or OPPORTUNITIES do you have to get there?

W= What’s your WILLINGNESS? 

As you think about this spring season, how do you want to mindfully grow? I encourage you to take some time to reflect on these prompts below. 

First, notice in this moment, what is your relationship to the word growth? Does it feel exciting? Scary? Adventurous? Bold?

1. Ask yourself, what goal do you want to meet this spring?

2. Explore, where are you right now? What’s working well? What do you wish were different?

3. What are the various options and possibilities of how you can meet your goal? (You get to brain-dump as many possibilities as you can).

4. How willing are you right now to take action on a scale of 1-10? (1= low and 10= high). You want to make sure there is high enough will and want to support you moving through any fears/obstacles/blocks. 

The theme of growth is dimensional and complex. If we aren't growing, then we are staying stagnant or dying. Growth doesn’t always mean some big stretchy goal was accomplished. Sometimes growth can mean that we learned something new, opened our hearts and minds to a different experience, tried to cook a new recipe, or expanded our meditation practice from 5 minutes to 6 minutes. 

After coaching people for over 8 years, there are many limiting beliefs that arise around the theme of growth. Some common thoughts are: growth is scary, hard, too difficult, it will take too much time, it won't be worth it, I will only do it if I know I will succeed, etc. Noticing what limiting beliefs arise for you is helpful. Compassionately calling out any limiting beliefs will help them not feel as powerful. However, if you notice you are feeling stuck and want support creating a supportive mindset for growth, reach out to me here. OR maybe you notice you want more clarity, ease and accountability to grow, message me here. We can set up a call to explore how you want to grow this season with intention.  

Join me for the 30/30/30 Challenge

Are you feeling the quarantine fatigue these days? I know I have hit my own wall on numerous occasions over the last few weeks, even while being in the LA sun. It is hard to believe it has almost been a full year of being in quarantine.  

This new chapter of quarantine fatigue feels like this antsy energy in my body that just wants to explode. My mind hits moments of feeling foggy and my patience has dwindled. Emotions of gratitude, joy, frustration, anger, and boredom blow in and out like the wind. 

Labeling my symptoms helps me normalize my experience and realize this is not me, but this temporary moment in time. This is the context of life right now. When I look at my experiences from that angle, there is more ease, permission and spaciousness to feel and acknowledge whatever is present. I don’t have to sugar coat it or “spiritual bypass” the moment by turning it into a positive. I can fully say it sucks and feel uncomfortable while also taking intentional action so I don’t feel helpless. Both can co-exist. 

My meditation and mindfulness practices help me stay present with the tension I feel when experiencing something uncomfortable so that it can flow through me and get metabolized in its own time. It is similar to the sensation of holding a plank– you can feel yourself shaking, you can feel your muscles getting stronger, yet at the same time, it is an uncomfortable sensation. The more I can be with that discomfort and breathe into it, the more I can feel the “tearing down” of my muscles, which in reality is making me stronger. Instead of focusing on the pain, the uncomfortable sensations, noticing the critical self-talk etc., I put my focus back on my values and have room for both experiences to exist. Taking action in alignment with my values supports me accepting my thoughts and emotions, but not letting my emotions dictate me. 

In order to manage this phase of the quarantine fatigue, I’m taking action with my value of connection. This month, I am running a 30/30/30 challenge. I will be hosting 30 30-minute connection calls in 30 days during the month of March. The intention of these one-on-one calls is to live my value of connection and connect to you, my community. This is an opportunity to learn more about each other, ask questions, share resources, get advice, give advice, laugh, feel human, and feel heard. 

If you are interested in claiming a spot, sign up here. We can do walk/talks (my personal favorite) as well as video calls. I’m so excited to connect with you! 

Exploring Pace

What’s your current pace?

If you were to calculate your average pace these last few days (from a non judgmental lens), what number would you give yourself? This doesn’t have to be a scientific calculation, but maybe you notice you are running at 100 mph, or you’re moving slow at 10 mph, maybe your engines aren’t even on or you’re somewhere in between it all! What information can you gather? 

Pace has been a theme I’ve been sitting with for the last few weeks. Learning to slow down to notice, feel and sense pace has been a helpful practice in managing my energy, emotions and mindset. It supports me detangling from the unsustainable and invisible shackles of the capitalistic values of what productivity looks like and helps me be less emotionally reactive.

My pace for the last few days has averaged around 15 mph, even though my husband and I just drove from Seattle to LA. It has felt pretty amazing to start the year off with a slow and steady speed, even if there are moments when my mind gets impatient and wants to speed everything up, I realize the value in going slow and finding my own pace to own.  

What is pace? To me, pace signifies the speed at which I move through life. During quarantine, I don’t have the hustle of my commute, but there is still both an internal and external sense of speed to meet deadlines, complete projects, show up in relationships, cook dinner, clean the house, etc. 
 

I’ve witnessed my speed increase when I have coffee and sugar, and it decreases when I have alcohol or tea.

My internal pace increases when I speed walk and decreases when I do my slow flow pilates routine.

My pace increases when I feel my daily calendar is too full and my pace decreases when I pay attention to my breath and breathe in for 5 and out for 5.

My pace gears up if I look at my phone before meditating in the morning and my pace decreases when I don’t have my list of priorities set ahead of the day.

When I work with a speedy pace, I can feel more accomplished, make more mistakes and get out of the perfectionist mindset.

When my pace is steady, I feel my creativity come alive. I feel more present to the little moments of life and I can witness my emotions with more equanimity. When my pace is slow I can feel rested as well as feel tension in my mind and hear that inner critic saying, “I am wasting time.” 

Noticing these themes gives me more insight to make intentional choices so that there is less reactivity and more ease in my life. 

How might exploring pace be a helpful prompt for you in your life?

Want to explore pace further? Check out Centered in the City for a guided meditation and mindfulness exercises to support you further. You will get access to the platform for a free 7 day trial.

Happy New Year to You

JOIN THE VIRTUAL INTENTION SETTING PARTY 2021

Grounding myself with a word or short phrase, also known as my power intention, is one of the most powerful tools I practice, year after year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with all of the individual "things" I could do in 2021, it helps to create a personal statement of intention that supports me when making decisions, creating priorities and shifting my mindset. I use my power intention to take action. Whenever I feel stuck, I re-ground into my power intention to help guide the way.

Do you have your own ritual? If not, selecting an empowering word or phrase is a great way to clarify and prioritize your desires and wants -- supporting you living and loving your life.

2020 was a year we will all remember. Thank goodness I had my power intention this last year to keep me centered. My words were “Trust & Receive”, and I am so glad I had these to lean into and keep me focused. Trust helped me let go of control and the need to white-knuckle every situation in my personal and professional life. Instead, I got to soften, open my heart, live in flow and have faith that all will work out. This practice helped me soften the internal tension I can feel when I get into overdrive, “hustle and do mode”. I was able to relax my nervous system, calm my mind and stay more open and present. This was key for me to not face burnout. When I would sense I was over-doing it, the practice of Trust & Receive let me relax and let the process unfold however it was going to unfold.

In 2019, “Joy”, was my power intention. I incorporated this sparkly, loving energy into my mindset at night when my head hit the pillow and in the morning when I awoke. Using Joy as my focus supported me cultivating more gratitude, having more ease and living with a more playful demeanor, which was game-changer in my relationships and approach to my business. I know from the power of coaching, “wherever your intention goes, your energy flows”. When I plant my power intention, I get to focus my gaze and watch something important grow.

My power intention for 2021 has two primary pillars: "Trust & Rays of Light”. Trust was such a juicy word for me that I feel like my work with it isn’t complete. I want to continue to integrate trust into 2021, especially focusing on how trust shows up within myself and my relationships. “Rays of Light” symbolizes sunshine, warmth, healing, being seen, bright, happy, hope, possibilities, expansion and abundance. I want to be rays of light for the world as well as harness this light from the inside out. I hold this image of rays of light spreading allover the globe, illuminating dark corners with awareness.

As I set my power intention for a new year, I get to pay attention to what Trust and Rays of Light feel like in my body, what activities help me tap into these words, and how I get to choose my power intention on a daily basis. These words get to be the lens through which I experience life over the next 12 months. How exciting!!!
 

Now it’s your turn. What is your one word or phrase you want to embrace in this new decade as your power intention?

To support your reflection process, walk through these steps and see what you discover:

1.  Journal the prompts below:

• What are you celebrating from 2020? Where do you see some gaps?

• How do you want to feel in 2021? (Describe in full detail)

• What would your life look like if you gave yourself full permission to do, to be or to say anything?

2. Reflect on what you just wrote, and circle all of the words that stand out to you. Now, narrow it down to one, two or three words (no more than that or it just turns into a laundry list). Pay attention to what word(s) support how you want to feel and be in 2021.

3. Ask yourself: Does this word (or words) create an empowering phrase for me? If yes, you got your power intention for 2021!

If not, narrow your word choice down by closing your eyes and breathing each word in and out. Notice which word stands out to you the most and note whether it brings you tingles, opens your heart, creates some fire in your belly or makes you smile. What word(s) help inspire the year you want to live? These are typically signs that you discovered something meaningful.

4. Now, create a visual for your power intention. Whether is it a fancy drawing or a post-it note, place a visual of your power intention where you will see it on a daily basis.

Take note as the perfect word or words come alive for you! Please share! (in-person, email, social media, snaps, grams, by phone, or in the comments below!) If you did this activity last year, take a moment to reflect and connect. See what dots aligned and what you might want to do differently this upcoming year.

5. Use it or lose it. Let's start integrating your power intention into your life right away. Join me for my virtual Intention Setting Party workshop to help you take your Power Intention to the next level. Learn more here:

January 9th @ 11am PST- 2pm PST. Learn more and Sign Up Here.

Happy New Year to You

Join the Virtual Intention Setting Party 2021

Grounding myself with a word or short phrase, also known as my power intention, is one of the most powerful tools I practice, year after year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with all of the individual "things" I could do in 2021, it helps to create a personal statement of intention that supports me when making decisions, creating priorities and shifting my mindset. I use my power intention to take action. Whenever I feel stuck, I re-ground into my power intention to help guide the way.

Do you have your own ritual? If not, selecting an empowering word or phrase is a great way to clarify and prioritize your desires and wants -- supporting you living and loving your life.

2020 was a year we will all remember. Thank goodness I had my power intention this last year to keep me centered. My words were “Trust & Receive”, and I am so glad I had these to lean into and keep me focused. Trust helped me let go of control and the need to white-knuckle every situation in my personal and professional life. Instead, I got to soften, open my heart, live in flow and have faith that all will work out. This practice helped me soften the internal tension I can feel when I get into overdrive, “hustle and do mode”. I was able to relax my nervous system, calm my mind and stay more open and present. This was key for me to not face burnout. When I would sense I was over-doing it, the practice of Trust & Receive let me relax and let the process unfold however it was going to unfold.

In 2019, “Joy”, was my power intention. I incorporated this sparkly, loving energy into my mindset at night when my head hit the pillow and in the morning when I awoke. Using Joy as my focus supported me cultivating more gratitude, having more ease and living with a more playful demeanor, which was game-changer in my relationships and approach to my business. I know from the power of coaching, “wherever your intention goes, your energy flows”. When I plant my power intention, I get to focus my gaze and watch something important grow.

My power intention for 2021 has two primary pillars: "Trust & Rays of Light”. Trust was such a juicy word for me that I feel like my work with it isn’t complete. I want to continue to integrate trust into 2021, especially focusing on how trust shows up within myself and my relationships. “Rays of Light” symbolizes sunshine, warmth, healing, being seen, bright, happy, hope, possibilities, expansion and abundance. I want to be rays of light for the world as well as harness this light from the inside out. I hold this image of rays of light spreading allover the globe, illuminating dark corners with awareness.

As I set my power intention for a new year, I get to pay attention to what Trust and Rays of Light feel like in my body, what activities help me tap into these words, and how I get to choose my power intention on a daily basis. These words get to be the lens through which I experience life over the next 12 months. How exciting!!!
 

Now it’s your turn. What is your one word or phrase you want to embrace in this new decade as your power intention?

To support your reflection process, walk through these steps and see what you discover:

1.  Journal the prompts below:

• What are you celebrating from 2020? Where do you see some gaps?

• How do you want to feel in 2021? (Describe in full detail)

• What would your life look like if you gave yourself full permission to do, to be or to say anything?

2. Reflect on what you just wrote, and circle all of the words that stand out to you. Now, narrow it down to one, two or three words (no more than that or it just turns into a laundry list). Pay attention to what word(s) support how you want to feel and be in 2021.

3. Ask yourself: Does this word (or words) create an empowering phrase for me? If yes, you got your power intention for 2021!

If not, narrow your word choice down by closing your eyes and breathing each word in and out. Notice which word stands out to you the most and note whether it brings you tingles, opens your heart, creates some fire in your belly or makes you smile. What word(s) help inspire the year you want to live? These are typically signs that you discovered something meaningful.

4. Now, create a visual for your power intention. Whether is it a fancy drawing or a post-it note, place a visual of your power intention where you will see it on a daily basis.

Take note as the perfect word or words come alive for you! Please share! (in-person, email, social media, snaps, grams, by phone, or in the comments below!) If you did this activity last year, take a moment to reflect and connect. See what dots aligned and what you might want to do differently this upcoming year.

5. Use it or lose it. Let's start integrating your power intention into your life right away. Join me for my virtual Intention Setting Party workshop to help you take your Power Intention to the next level. Learn more here:

January 9th @ 11am PST- 2pm PST. Learn more and Sign Up Here.

Permission to Rest

Why do humans need permission to rest? This is a question I have been investigating with my clients, which typically brings us down the path to explore, what does rest mean to them? 
 

Some of the most common answers I hear from clients or when I facilitate workshops, are:

• Rest feels indulgent 

• Who has time to rest

• I don’t know how to rest

• Rest feels uncomfortable

• Rest is boring 

Which of these resonates most with you? Feel free to share with me below in the comments.

If we look at nature, this is the natural time for hibernation in the Northern Hemisphere -- where plants, trees and animals go to sleep for a few months. They don’t ask anyone or anything for permission, but listen and pay attention to the cycle of the season. 

The holiday season, pre-pandemic, usually brings out our “human business”. The desire to be more social, go to holiday parties, travel, eat lots of cheese, drink lots of wine and buy lots of goodies. As humans who live in western, modern lifestyles, we go against the natural cycle of this season. To rest. Be still. To sleep.

This year with the holidays looking a lot different, maybe less busy with parties and travel, how can you take advantage of more rest and renewal time? 

For me, I have been loving being outdoors and letting nature be a restorative respite. I’ve loved connecting with friends and family in a social distant manner where we take slow walks through the woods or neighborhoods. Time feels a lot slower and my mind feels more present. Life feels more simple and less cluttered. I am not rushing from party to party or errand to errand. My batteries feel like they are able to charge without needing an extra battery pack. 

As we kiss 2020 goodbye and make space for a new year -- one filled with hope and a vaccine! How can we take advantage of this slower pace and give ourselves permission to rest so that we can feel renewed for the year ahead?

Just Breathe

For those who don’t live in the USA, our presidential elections are just a few days away, and voting, using our voice and taking intentional action has never been more apparent and important.   

I am sorry to say, but I don’t have a magical pill to give you that can take the anxiety and overwhelm away. I don’t have a sexy mindset trick you can practice.

I do want to share that the most powerful thing you can do for yourself to get through these next few days and maybe weeks is to breathe. I know it’s so simple, that it can feel like a given...like duuhhh Wade, of course I will breathe. But I really mean it. If you consistently practice this technique, it will change your life. 

Gently and simply turn your attention to your breath at various moments throughout your day and say to yourself: “I am breathing in” on the inhale and “I am breathing out” on the exhale. Again and again. When you wake up first thing and feel your heart racing like you are already behind. Before you eat your meals. When you are transitioning to bed. When you have empty space in your day and notice you want to fill it with social media. When you are in a meeting and notice your mind wanders to what you want to eat for lunch….

Turn your focus and awareness to simply be on the breath. When you notice your breath, you are in the present moment, which means your mind isn’t catastrophizing the future or ruminating on the past. 

I remind myself that my breath is my personal super power. I can breathe with more awareness at any moment and no one has to know I am doing a “mindfulness technique.” This practice gives me strength to do hard things. Whether I am gearing up for a public speaking event, holding a plank, getting my flu shot or trying to communicate my feelings to a loved one, my breath is there to give me strength and clarity to keep going. 

If your breath is a triggering place to be right now, try asking yourself “what do I hear right now?” Listen to the sounds rise, shift, change and decline. Discover the rhythm of sounds moment to moment as they pass through the ear and into the mind. Notice how the sounds make you feel. 

With our breath we can all have strength to meet the moment as it arises. And know that whatever happens after Nov 3rd, we will be able to face it with our breath. 

Kindness is the Answer to Grief

Oof. Like most people, this month has felt like a sucker punch to my stomach -- taking the air and balance right out of me. At this moment, life feels scary and uncertain; a new layer of grief, doom and gloom feels pending. What I have learned about loss and grief is that it takes the wind right out of your sail, and it’s important to heal and rest. But we also have to be careful not to go down the road of despair for too long. When we do that, we let all of the gas out of our tank, and we give up on what’s possible. Right now, my biggest fear isn’t what’s going to happen after the elections, it's more so that I hope we (people who are voting for Biden/Harris) don’t let our emotions of hopelessness and helplessness make us give up 34 days before the elections. The last push is always the hardest. 

When I lost my mother 10 years ago while going through chemotherapy, my whole world stopped turning. The ground beneath me disappeared and my body felt numb -- you could put an ice cube in the palm of my hand and I wouldn’t flinch. The only thing I could feel was this hollow emptiness inside my soul echoing when I cried. Death made me immobile for a while. Even though I kept getting out of bed every day, working out and going to chemo, I couldn’t think about “being productive” or giving back. My cup felt so empty and hollow. 

10 years later, I feel a slight wave of the similar grief surging through my heart. Not only because I just honored a 10 year memorial for my mother, but I feel the grief of progress. The progress that the Obama Administration made to protect nature, to bring our country one step closer to universal healthcare, and the progress RGB created for women and the LGBTQ+ community. My biggest fear is that we will collectively let our grief hold us hostage. We will let our grief dismantle us before we reach the election finish line. 

What got me through my darkest days going through chemo and holding my mother’s grief, was not only my meditation practice, but it was being kind to others. When I got on the bus, I would look into the bus driver’s eyes and ask, how are you? I wanted to make sure they felt appreciated and seen. This action was only slightly selfish because it gave me strength to see others light up and be witnessed. So right now, when your tank might feel empty and you want to give up, it is essential to keep going and think about the greater world you want to see. It’s not about being productive. It is about doing the right thing. I keep asking myself: what side of history do I want to be on? What change do I want to be a part of? What’s just one moral and kind thing I can do at this moment? 

It’s going to take effort -- I am sorry to say. It is going to take effort and when your gas tank feels low or you are accustomed to only taking care of your immediate family, it might feel uncomfortable. Internal comments like ‘this is so inconvenient’ or ‘this is hard’ or ‘this is taking too much of my time’ might pop up. These thoughts popped up for me the other day when I was volunteering to register voters, but I kept going because I want to act from my values and stay connected to the vision of the America I want to be a part of. 

What vision of America do you want to see? What action can you take from your values? If you are experiencing grief, know you are not alone. Give yourself a lot of compassion and take note of how you are personally experiencing grief. Here are some signs and symptoms from the Mayo Clinic. Ask yourself, what’s one tiny act of kindness I can do for myself and others at this moment? What’s just one moral and kind thing I can do at this moment? 

Create Your Fall Mental Health Plan

As the calendar strikes September, I notice my mind is wandering to flashbacks of getting ready for the “back to school season”–picking out new outfits, getting my notebooks and supplies ready, feeling the anxious flutters of butterflies in my belly, and anticipating the familiar yet unknown of the year ahead. 

This September is obviously very different. There isn’t the same “back to school” cultural transition we are all accustomed to. Instead, we are navigating through a new chapter of 2020. A new literal and figurative season of this pandemic year--one filled with more grief, wild fires, violence, racism and political tension. Amid the chaos, I notice the same instinct in myself to want to get organized, but this time instead of buying new school supplies and fall sweaters, I am passionate about developing my mental health plan.


Living in the Pacific Northwest, the gray and rainy fall/winter days are inevitably coming. I don’t know how many days, how dark or how rainy, but it’s coming. Instead of catastrophizing the future or staying in the what if thought patterns, I am taking a proactive approach to my wellbeing. I am developing my mental health plan by asking myself these 4 questions.

Creating a mental health plan for me feels like a strategy to keep my seatbelt buckled in for the bumpy ride of 2020. I get to know this plan isn’t written in stone, but creating a strategy supports me being more intentional about how I spend my time and energy.

Maintenance Making

Maintenance. What’s your relationship to this word? What connotations does it bring up for you? Negative, neutral, positive, indifferent? 

This word came to me while I was gardening. My husband and I were in the depths of our garden pulling out these big hairy weeds. Weeds that were suffocating our other plants. Weeds that were growing tall and spreading their unwanted dusty seeds everywhere. Weeds that were sneakily trying to camouflage under the rosemary and lavender bushes. This word maintenance popped into my mind and I realized, if we didn’t neglect this garden and did more daily and weekly maintenance, we probably wouldn’t have this big of a weed takeover! And if we didn’t have this big of a weed explosion, we wouldn’t have to spend this much time and energy “digging” ourselves out, feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. 

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking...I can’t relate to this analogy at all because I don’t have a garden and have never dealt with weeds. I get it. That was me too prior to living in Seattle. However, if gardening doesn’t work as an analogy, think of where in your life you might let things get out of control so that the energy it takes to regain balance and order is much greater than if you had created daily/weekly maintenance around it. For instance, is it your refrigerator? Closet? Your health? Your finances? A certain relationship?

As I reflected on this word, maintenance, I noticed some resistance and irritation arose. The word feels a bit negative. It makes me feel like I have to do something, which in turn creates some resistance and internal pushback. So I decided to reframe this word in my mind and use the language of “refresh,” instead. I asked myself, what would daily acts of refreshing the garden look like? To me, this feels more supportive and allows me to think of connecting to house work as a life giving act instead of a life-sucking chore. 

For you, where in your life could you use more attention and attunement? Where does micro maintenance –or refreshing– provide a supportive approach for you to create balance and ease? If you need to reframe the word maintenance, what word would you use? Share with me here!

We are officially 6 months into 2020...

We are officially 6 months into 2020 and holy sh*t, what a year this has been. As businesses and cities emerge into phase 2, the reality of our new "normal" is hitting me. I truly can’t believe it is July 1, but here we are.... As devastating as this year has been, I wouldn't throw it away. 2020 is creating a breakdown of systems and shedding a light on what is not working in so that we, as individuals, communities and the globe can have a breakthrough and create a more evolved, inclusive and compassionate world.

Do you remember your "Power Intention" you set at the beginning of the year? Yeah... that word/phrase you set to support yourself having a purposeful year. If you can’t remember, it might be a great time to circle back and check in. You can use this guided meditation practice on the Centered in the City podcast to reconnect to your Power Intention here. If you want to create one, head here to walk through my process.


Our Power Intentions aren’t just here to help us elevate our lives and design a vision, but they are here to help us navigate obstacles and challenges so that we can stay focused and connected to what matters most. Our Power Intentions become a north star. When there is darkness, when we might feel lost or confused, our Power Intentions support us finding light, meaning, direction and purpose. 

Contextualizing our current state is super important because we are navigating unprecedented times. I notice it is helpful to remind myself of this over and over again. Pandemic after pandemic is unfolding, and currently there isn’t any clarity on what’s next. As the ground beneath us feels like it's trembling and all systems around us, and maybe inside us, are being challenged or crumbling, I have found comfort and clarity in leaning into my Power Intention.


My Power Intention for 2020 is Trust and Receive. Leaning into these words helps simplify the noise and place my attention on who I want to be and how I want to show up. When I feel anxious and that desire to grasp and control external stimuli, I lean back into the sensations of trust -- feeling held in stillness like a hammock, knowing that the world will unfold and I will be able to meet whatever arises. Trust is also giving me inner confidence to use my voice to have uncomfortable conversations about racism with myself, family and friends, even when it feels scary or intimidating, I am trusting myself to breathe through the discomfort and do the right thing. Receive is teaching me to slow down and be with each moment of life. I can drop my compulsive desire to "do" and instead accept and receive life as it unfolds. 

What’s your Power Intention of 2020 teaching you? Showing you? Inspiring you to do? 

White Ally Resources

This pandemic has magnified American's racial and economic disparities even more.  My eyes are continually opening to my privilege and how I can be a better ally to the BIPOC community. I am compiling a growing list of resources to support white people in my community do the same.

Checkout the growing Document Here. Have Suggestions? Pls share with me below and I will add to the list.

Back in January, 2020 I joined a White Ally group where we have met monthly for the last 5 months to explore our racial biases. We are currently reading Waking Up White by Debby Irving and during our group calls we explore different themes, prompts and inquiry processes to do our own introspective work. To be honest, before joining the group, I first held the belief that I am not racist and of course I am a black ally. However, being in this affinity group has opened my own eyes to ALL the ways I am still blinded by my biases and where I am instilling structural racism on a day to day basis. Being a part of this group has given me more confidence to use my voice and have more conversations with friends and family members around racism and actions we can take to make a difference.

As a white person, I believe my journey to being an authentic ally to BIPOC is a journey. I don’t believe reading one book, signing a few petitions or even making a few social media posts makes me an ally. It is all about how I take my awareness and put it into daily action. It is NOT about being perfect. I have learned my silence creates more harm.

If you are a white person reading this and notice you feel scared or nervous about making sure you are taking the “right” steps, know you are not alone. That is a really common fear and belief that has held a lot of white people back from taking action. My biggest recommendation would be to find a White Affinity group so that you can be in community as you do this very important work of untangling from your own biases.

Leaders, wake up! Your Colleagues need you.

Checkout the full article on Thrive Global.

Partner Communication & Calm During Covid-19

In quarantine with your partner and want to learn how to communicate and create more calm? Watch the replay of this virtual workshop.

Manage Anxiety & Overwhelm During Covid-19

Catch the replay of Manage Anxiety & Overwhelm during Covid-19 virtual workshop. This is an opportunity to check-in with your current needs during a stressful time. We get to notice facts versus fiction to help calm our anxiety and ground into reality and what we have control over in this moment.

Equanimity Practice During the Covid-19

Normally this time of year has a palpable energy and excitement in the air as the northern hemisphere starts to feel springtime vibes – longer days, flowers blossoming and warmer temperatures. There is a shift from hibernating over the winter months to more extrovert playful energy. But this spring is different. This season of our lives, we are being asked by health officials to spend time inside our homes – creating an opportunity for us to pivot from our normal schedules to slow life down and get back to basics. Have you felt that shift?

I have noticed a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts over the last few weeks. Feeling the highs and excitement/gratitude of being home, in my own bed, grounding back into a routine, cooking some of my favorite dishes, and being of service to my community. To the lows of my heart aching for my hometown of New York City. For all of the doctors/nurses/EMT/first responders/hospital workers who are putting their health on the line to take care of us. For the names and faces of each person we have lost. And then everywhere in between. What I know is that this emotional roller coaster is normal. And we each have our own version – peaking and falling at different rhythms and points and expressing ourselves in various ways. This is where equanimity can be a supportive practice. When we practice equanimity, we are finding balance in the present moment, observing our current emotions without clinging or grasping to them. Instead we can witness the emotion as something flowing in and out. I like to visualize it as the wind or the rhythm of the ocean – rising and falling. It allows the emotion to have motion instead of feeling sticky or stuck – congesting both the mind and body. Practicing equanimity can offer us more emotional balance and ease so that we respond to situations from a centered state instead of from reaction. Would this be helpful for you right now?

If so, in this moment, notice what are the current emotions you are experiencing? Use this emotion guide to help you label them. If you create a spectrum of your current experience, where would you place yourself? What would it look like and feel like to be rooted in the center? Noticing the “winds of emotions” are fluid experiences. 

Ex. I am currently feeling sadness

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Sadness Hope

Listen to the Equanimity Meditation Practice Here. 

These times we are in create an opportunity for doing less and being more – a time to be still, to listen, to observe, to witness. This stillness might feel uncomfortable at times and know that is normal. It might feel luxurious at other times and know that is normal. Wherever you feel and wherever you fall on this spectrum, can you practice experiencing it through the lens of equanimity? 

Learn more about equanimity here: https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/equanimity/

This month I am bringing back the Journal Circle during the month of April, but this time it is the virtual addition in order to support us cultivating more equanimity. Learn more here.

Why journaling? Research conducted by psychologist James Pennebaker demonstrates journaling strengthens our immune systems and can support healing from past trauma or current stressful events.

The intention of this journal club is to create space for:

• Community connection 

• Personal reflection 

• Life integration 

New to journaling? No worries! Anyone and Everyone is welcome to sign up! All you need is a journal & pen.