Exactly one year ago today, I was sitting down for my fourth day of a 28-day silent meditation retreat.
I remember that, at the end of the retreat, I felt so proud of and grateful for my experience, yet I was quite confident I didn’t need to make this retreat an annual engagement (you can listen to my retreat recap here on the Centered in the City podcast). However, here I am 12 months later, and I am missing that luxurious space for extended introspection.
Do you crave reflection space ?
Life is busy, loud, fast and full. That’s why I am so passionate about finding ways to sustainably create rituals that help me pause and slow down. I know I am not alone.
One of my coaching clients mentioned that creating a ritual has helped her slow down. She feels more peace and, most importantly, has helped release herself from the negative-thinking spiral. She feels empowered and capable to do her job and show up to meetings feeling more confident.
I might not be able to take a month away from my life every year, but I can take 30 minutes for a walking meditation or 15 minutes to sit and eat my lunch mindfully.
Claiming that time for myself is one of my most impactful practices. I get to remember that I deserve to take care of my mind and body. It’s not selfish, it is smart.
Do you have rituals you love? If so, tell me about them below. If you don’t have rituals, are you interested in creating them? Schedule a Connection Call with me here.
Featured on the Redfin Blog: What Is a Food Desert? Understanding Their Impact on Homeowners
For some, it can be hard to imagine not being able to find fresh produce, meat, or fruit. Unfortunately, that’s the reality for many people. A number of areas in the U.S. don’t have access to fresh, healthy food at affordable prices, leading people who live there to eat cheaper, processed, non-perishable food. These regions are called food deserts.
Read the full article here: What Is a FoodDesert? Understanding Their Impact on Homeowners | Redfin
Waiting is Not Wasting Mantra
A phrase I keep repeating in my mind of late is: “Waiting is not wasting.” Spending a few weeks in Latin America is a physical reminder of a slower pace. At the same time, I feel my American “I want it, and I want it now” sense of entitlement and immediacy pulse through my veins, yet the impatience melts at the confluence of Latin American slow-loving rhythm.
Patience is part of my ‘Power Intention’ for 2023, and I am already learning so much just one month into the new year.
One example: Sitting at a cafe near the beach in Santa Marta, Colombia, my husband and I ‘hangerly’ waited a long time for our lunch to arrive. A very long time. I could feel my body tighten and fidgety energy in my eyes, fingers and feet. Impatience was brewing, but luckily, I had my patience practice to lean into.
I asked myself to soften and open up to the present moment. Where was I rushing off to? I wanted to be able to enjoy the moment even if I was frustrated and hangry that our food was taking longer than it ‘should'. I wanted to be in the present and accept the practice of waiting instead of resisting.
My mind gets caught in “waiting” for bigger life moments to occur all of the time, whether it is a career milestone, an exciting life update, a planned trip or even lunch. When my mind gets hooked on the future, I get disconnected from the present and lose sight of some of the wonder that comes from waiting in the moment.
Opening up to the present helps me connect to the essence of ‘enough.’ I get to trust there is enough time. I get to trust this moment has enough life that it’s worth paying attention to the moment instead of idealizing how it could or should be. Life is full of neutral moments. Learning to be with and even appreciate neutral moments is where my mindfulness practice is supporting me.
Where in your life can you apply the mantra of “waiting is not wasting”? Maybe it’s while you search for your next career move? Maybe it’s while you navigate a romantic relationship? Maybe it’s a helpful reminder as you transition into your meditation practice? Or even while you wait in the grocery checkout line (see podcast meditation episode for support).
Share your thoughts with me below or send me a note here.
My favorite New Year Ritual to Center for what comes next
This is my favorite New Year tradition. If you have been in my community, you know that I have been practicing this ritual for years! And if you are new to me, welcome!
Grab your journal, your favorite drink and get cozy…
Grounding myself with a word or short phrase, also known as my power intention, is one of the most powerful tools I practice, year after year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with all of the individual "things" I could do or should do in 2023, my power intention helps me cut through the outside noise. I am able to make more focused decisions based on my authentic needs and wants. I have a clear sense of my priorities. Whenever I feel stuck, I re-ground into my power intention to help guide the way.
Do you have your own ritual? If not, selecting an empowering word or phrase is a great way to clarify and prioritize your desires and wants -- supporting you living and loving your life.
My 2022 power intention had two pillars: “BOLD & Love.” These words helped me take some bold and loving action this last year. I said YES to a month-long silent meditation retreat (Learn more about that experience here on the podcast). I lived and worked abroad in Mexico for a month. My business marked its boldest year ever with many repeat corporate clients as well as a growing community in my private practice and Centered in the City membership. Bold supported me working through fear and self-doubt as I wrote my first book proposal. I felt more confident and courageous taking stretchy action because I knew my power intention for the year was giving me permission to act and ‘be’ this way. I was able to chose love when deeply hurt or triggered by relationships in my life. This helped me dispel a lot of reactive energy and stay more open and present. Leaning into love helped me choose abundance and generosity when scarcity thoughts or emotions arose.
I am so grateful for this year’s power intention for all the ways I have learned and grown. I notice that a part of me wants to hold on to them for next year (I notice I have felt this every year!), yet I remind myself that they are still within me. They don’t disappear. They transform. They are embedded in my muscle memory, and now I get to make way for a new area of focus.
My 2023 power intention is…. Patience and Deep Listening. These words came to me through this reflection practice I have below. The practice of patience has tapped on my shoulder for many years, yearning to be focused on. I have ignored the whispers thinking that practicing patience is only for kids. My anxious nervous system has made being patient really challenging — learning to practice equanimity and let time and outcomes unfold how they will is part of the process. Patience is about releasing control and finding freedom in the “waiting.” I get to trust that “waiting” doesn’t mean “wasting.” My heart, my relationships and personal/professional goals are calling for patience — more space to bloom and blossom. I can’t rush nature, so why would I try to rush my life? For me, patience is about resting back into trust, opening up and creating space for possibilities.
Deep Listening comes from my desire to listen to my intuition, be connected to my spiritual practices and refine a different expression of love. Even though I am not going to spend a month in silence this year, I am committed to deeply listening to the many dimensions of life. I find it skillful to listen below the surface and noise. To me, deep listening is an expression of love and honor. To give myself and others a type of presence that can easily be lost in a loud/chaotic world. I have discovered that when I deeply listen to myself, there is inner alignment that helps create more ease and flow in life. Reactive choices dissipate when I deeply listen. In order to deeply listen, I get to slow down. These words together help me feel balanced and connected to who I want to be, how I want to live and feel in 2023.
As I set my power intention for a new year, I get to pay attention to what Patience and Deep Listening feel like in my body, what activities help me tap into these words and how I get to choose my power intention on a daily basis. These words get to be the lens through which I experience life over the next 12 months. How exciting!!!
Now it’s your turn. What is your one word or phrase you want to embrace in this new decade as your power intention?
To support your reflection process, walk through these steps and see what you discover:
1. Journal the prompts below:
What are you celebrating from 2022? Where do you see some gaps?
How do you want to feel in 2023? (Describe in full detail)
What would your life look like if you gave yourself full permission to do, to be or to say anything?
2. Reflect on what you just wrote, and circle all of the words that stand out to you. Now, narrow it down to one, two or three words (no more than that or it just turns into a laundry list). Pay attention to what word(s) support how you want to feel and be in 2023.
3. Ask yourself: Does this word (or words) create an empowering phrase for me? If yes, you got your power intention for 2023!
If not, narrow your word choice down by closing your eyes and breathing each word in and out. Notice which word stands out to you the most and note whether it brings you tingles, opens your heart, creates some fire in your belly or makes you smile. What word(s) help inspire the year you want to live? These are typically signs that you discovered something meaningful.
4. Now, create a visual for your power intention. Whether it is a fancy drawing or a post-it note, place a visual of your power intention where you will see it on a daily basis.
Take note as the perfect word or words come alive for you! Please share! (in-person, email, social media, snaps, grams, by phone, or in the comments below!)
If you did this activity last year, take a moment to reflect and connect. See what dots aligned and what you might want to do differently this upcoming year.
5. Use it or lose it. Let's start integrating your power intention into your life right away. Join me for my Intention Setting Party workshop to help you take your Power Intention to the next level.
Center Yourself This Holiday Season
As the holiday vibes pick up, I notice how easy it can be to let the twinkle of the season distract me from listening and honoring my needs. The lights, the music, the parties, shopping and travel, can bring joy as well as stress. Over the years, I have learned how to manage the holiday overwhelm and return to my center by setting intentions.
Setting intentions help us think about where we want to put our focus and attention. Intentions help us cut through the noise so we can listen to ourselves. Below is a centering tool you can download and return to every week this holiday season to feel your authentic self.
Step 1. Download Your Centered for the Holiday tool
Step 2. Set your intentions for this season. Think about how you want to feel and be and write them in the past tense. (ie. My intention: I felt present in my mind and body. I hydrated and nourished myself and my relationships with love and care).
Step 3. Highlight five rituals and practices you want to commit to that support your staying aligned with your intentions. For instance, I ask myself, what rituals and practices support me in staying present in my mind and body? What sustains me nourishing and hydrating myself and my relationships? Write those practices down on the left-hand side and celebrate the days you prioritize them with a checkmark.
Three Ways to Shift from Scarcity to Generosity
The act of giving used to be difficult for me. And I would be lying if I said it still wasn't a conscious practice. However, I have learned to tap into an authentic way to “give”, from a place of abundance. Giving from the heart feels damn good!
Holidays, birthdays, weddings and fundraisers are all opportunities to celebrate and demonstrate how much we care about our community. In North American culture, the expectation is to give through physical gifts or financial donations. When faced with the holidays or even a birthday celebration, I could often feel my body and nervous system tighten with fear. Thoughts of, “Gahh what am I going to get this person?” or “I don’t have much money to spend, how will they know I care?” My scarcity mindset would get triggered. My value of love bumped heads with my fear of spending money. I’d get wrapped in thought loops where I believed that giving and being generous could only come through money.
Practice these three steps below to challenge your own scarcity mindset and, instead, choose generosity. Ask yourself these questions as a journaling prompt, a question you want to sit with during meditation or on a solo walk in the park.
1. Ask yourself, what does being generous mean?
I untangled myself from the unhelpful belief that, in order to be a generous person, I had to be abundant with financial resources. I did this by grabbing my journal and exploring what generosity truly meant to me. I realized I was entangled in society's definition of generosity, not my own. Exploring generosity in more depth, I determined being generous is about giving love and presence.
This demonstration of love and presence can take many forms. I value expressing love by cooking and baking for people. I love giving my time and attention. I demonstrate presence by practicing deep listening—remembering what people say makes them feel valued. Learning what generosity authentically meant, to me, helped empower me to express it in my own way. I no longer feel pressured to “give” in a way that doesn’t sit well.
2. What does it feel like to be generous? What does it feel like to act from scarcity?
Tuning into our bodies for answers and insights is key. Noticing and labeling physical sensations we feel around giving can offer helpful cues so that one can respond to the situation more skillfully. Being generous is a conscious choice. When I am generous, I feel warmth in my chest. I notice a desire to care for people. Being generous feels really damn good. It feels even more delightful when it’s shared from an authentic space. I want them to feel loved and seen. When I act from scarcity, I feel my body shut down. It feels yucky and dirty. I tighten. I feel my heart close off. Paying attention to these physical sensations lets my brain take a pause to evaluate the situation. When I notice the unpleasant physical sensations of scarcity kick up, I ask myself this next question so that I can take action from my values. Not my fears.
3. Ask yourself, who do I want to be in the world?
Who do I want to be in this world? Big question, I know, but it helps us get out of tunnel vision and instead, think about how we want to show up in our communities. Asking myself this question connects me to my values. I understand what’s important to me. I think of who I admire and why. I reflect on what feels meaningful and important. If scarcity sensations are present, I ask myself, who do I want to be in the world? It helps me visualize a loving, generous and open person. When I can visualize those values, I can begin to feel them, and they give me strength to act from an intrinsic place of want.
I welcome you to take time this holiday season and explore these questions. Allow your insights to support you untangling from any societal pressures. Instead, give from your own unique senses and perspective.
Gift Guides To Help You Feel Centered This Season
May this Gift Guide inspire generosity and love to yourself, your loved ones and the world.
Ditch the phone as your alarm clock. An old school alarm clock is the best way to wake up and start the day. It helps minimize anxiety and reduces mindless scrolling. I personally like battery alarm clocks so I have freedom to move it around.
Stay cozy all day long in this jumper. It's great to dress up for video calls with a cute sweater/blazer or run errands with some cute boots/sneakers.
These have been my favorite weights for years because of their look and feel. I use them in my pilates flows on my ankles for additional strength, or for arms. They are also easy travel companions.
My favorite go-to snack. It satisfies my sweet tooth and I stay satiated longer because it’s filled with protein. Gifting a box to yourself or a loved one will put a smile on anyone's face and belly. Use code: Wade15 to get 15% off of your order.
The Five-Minute Journal’s "Well-being Bundle”:
This Well-being bundle includes a journal and affirmation card set. The journal is full of simple daily prompts that support you committing to your well-being practices, and it’s always nice to pull some affirmation cards!
Lure Essentials:
I love these myofascial silicon suction cups. Two of my massage therapists have recommended them to me. I use them mostly on my calves and feet, a few times each week. They reduce tightness and increase blood flow. Great gift for yourself or a loved one who is into body care.Centered in the City membership:
You know I am all about spreading those centered vibes. This platform is for those looking to incorporate holistic mindfulness rituals and practices to feel your damn best so that you can navigate the ups and downs of life.I love using this in between calls for a dose of movement, mindset shift and energy boost. Gently using a trampoline is also great for purifying your lymphatic system.
Needed:
I am such a fan of this company and love these hydration packages. They have this cute set for the holidays that’s a great stocking stuffer, or if you are looking to stay more hydrated, order for yourself. Use code CENTER for 20% off one-time purchases.My favorite kitchen gadget! I will only make smoothies or soups in the Vitamix because it creates the smooth and even texture I crave. They are pricey, but worth the long-term investment.
Meditation Pillows
If you like your cushions soft and more “beanbag-esque” check out Avocado. If you like your cushions a little harder, check out these Zafus.The 'Partner Review Process':
Give the gift of co-creation to your relationships. I look forward to doing this process with my husband every year because it gets us on the same page and helps us co-create our vision for the year ahead. Last year, I put it into a self-paced video series so that you too can co-create your year ahead with your partner.During the winter months in Seattle, I need some light therapy support to keep my energy and mood balanced. This is a great lamp to add to your meditation practice or place on your work desk.
Food Bank for NYC:
Local food bank in New York City that accepts food or money donations.Washington State's leading hunger relief agency that accepts food or money donations.
Their fund provides financial assistance to Black women and girls seeking therapy, nationally.
Cares for people around the world affected by diseases and disasters.
Helps feed, cloth and support children in crisis around the world.
National Network of Abortion Funds:
Abortion funds provide financial assistance, travel, lodging, and many other types of support to abortion seekers.
Want some homemade gift ideas? Check out these Healthy for the Holidays recipes.
How Will You Spend Your Time?
There are 8 weeks left in 2022. Can you believe it?
I heard someone announce this on a call, and I quickly brushed the observation away because I found it to be unpleasant.
It created antsy discomfort in my body.
Noticing that my body had a physical reaction to the comment, I decided there was more to uncover.
After the call, I took a #mindfulmoment to pause and check in with myself.
My mind oscillated between feeling content, in disbelief, anxious and grateful. Thoughts of “oh sh*t I need to get x-y-z done before Thanksgiving” created a surge of unpleasant adrenaline.
Thoughts of holiday festivities created sensations of warmth. The idea of the new year and time speeding by created both anxious and excited feelings. All of the various thoughts, emotions and sensations are valid.
Taking a moment to pause and ground myself in reality helped me gain a sense of perspective.
I noticed I was locked into the flow of life, not paying attention to where I was in terms of my priorities and goals. Even though time and the annual calendar is a construct, it is also a helpful, organizing container.
Pausing and noticing my insights gave me awareness that I could possibly drop some extra work projects that I was truly tempted to take on.
The achiever in me wanted to lead. However, instead of getting ‘more’ done, I realized I wanted to focus on quality.
Checking in reminded me of my true priorities. I came back to my Power Intention for 2022 and the work I did in setting my intentions for the year.
Making this choice from a place of insight versus reactionary impulses felt so damn empowering.
I know I am honoring myself by staying true to my intuition. I am not getting distracted by the very tempting, “shiny” objects.
I welcome you to pause with me here and take a #mindfulmoment to check in with yourself.
Turn your gaze inwards and observe with a lens of kindness and curiosity.
Feel your feet planted on the ground and know you are present in this moment.
Slow down to feel your breath. Tune into the thoughts in the mind. Notice what sensations are present in your body.
What do you feel and think when you hear we have about 8 weeks of 2022 left?
Spend a few minutes allowing your mind and heart to wander. Give yourself permission to listen.
Now that you have gained that sense of awareness and data, how does that shift or change what you want to prioritize in the next few weeks? …if anything!
When we pause to check in with ourselves, we can learn to listen to our intuition and insights. Taking action and living from that place of alignment feels so good!
Are you a Maximizer or Satisfier?
Do you tend to have more Maximizer or Satisfier traits?
I used to be a “maximizer” in practically every aspect of my life. What this meant to me is: I wanted to make the very best choice at every decision point. For instance, from deciding what restaurant to eat at, what fitness class to take, how to schedule my day, what person to date, what time I should send that email, what I should eat or even what face wash to buy! You name it, I was maximizing it.
What this mindset trait led to was consistent exhaustion, analysis paralysis, scarcity and ultimately self-doubt. I held onto the belief that there must be one single best decision, and if I didn’t make that decision, I was wasting my time/energy/life (ie. failing at life). It is especially interesting because research demonstrates that maximizers are more likely to be depressed, overly perfectionistic and prone to regret or self-blame.
I finally hit a wall and realized that leaning into my maximizer tendencies was generally not helpful. My meditation practice and other introspection avenues helped me gain insight into my behaviors, thoughts and emotions. I realized I could separate my sense of worth and identity from the outcome of a decision.
I decided I would rather not waste time and energy searching for the best restaurant every single time we ate out because it was distracting me from the present moment and what really mattered. I still consider myself a foodie and someone who values going to good restaurants, but I no longer grasp every decision so tightly.
Leaning into “satisfier” traits means that good enough is enough. Focusing on this trait helps create more loving spaciousness in my relationship with my husband. It has also supported me strengthening self-trust, listening to my intuition and increasing my energy levels.
The good thing is that we all have both maximizer and satisfier traits within us. Which one do you notice driving your primary operating system? Do you see a pattern in your life that you wish to adjust even a little bit? If so, tell me about it! Drop me a note here.
As a New Yorker, How I Stretch My Comfort Zone with Nature
When we go into nature, we never come out the same. This is how I felt after a three-day backpacking adventure my husband and I just went on.
As you probably know by now, being in the wilderness is still very much a growth edge for me since I am a born-and-raised New Yorker. I am used to rats and cockroaches, not cougars and bears.
Yet, I am continually wanting to expand my comfort zone.
After years of befriending my nervous system through my meditation ritual, I have learned a few practices that help me ease anxiety and feel more equanimous as I enter into stretchy situations (ie. the wilderness).
One of the practices that helps me build trust and security is offering some words of kindness and compassion to mother nature as we enter her territory.
I’ve discovered that I don’t like to go into the wilderness with this colonial “taker” mindset that I can do whatever I want because this land is “mine.”
Instead, I find power when building mutual respect and a deep sense of honor for this beautiful land.
I say a few phrases like:
Thank you for sharing your beautiful abundant land with us
May we have a symbiotic relationship
May we be healthy and safe
May we treat this land with respect
May we learn lessons and be healed by your presence
Repeating these phrases as we enter the trailhead helps me rest in trust and love for nature. It helps me feel nature has my back just as I have her back.
This practice softens the fear response when walking into the unknown and instead helps me rest into equanimity.
What big and scary unknowns are you walking into this month? What would it be like to offer yourself and the experience some kindness and compassion?
Navigating Curve Balls
Life just threw my family and me a big curveball that is inviting me to bring my mindfulness practice into play in a big way.
Keeping details aside, there are shifting tides happening that spark a lot of anxiety and uncertainty within me. Anxiety that ignites traumatic flashbacks of my sense of security being rocked in past waves that life has brought my way (ie. navigating the medical world, almost losing health insurance etc).
I had this realization that if this rupture occurred years ago, some sort of 'nervous system collapse' would have been part of my reaction due to overwhelming fear and anxiety. I would have turned into an anxious puddle of frozen tears – not able to think clearly or take wise action.
However, over the last few weeks, I have paused to recognize and celebrate how my mind and body are meeting this rupture of life in a whole new way. I can physically feel both the fear and anxiety within me while also acknowledging the capacity to stay present, trusting, strong and loving. I can feel the gift of my meditation and mindfulness practice keeping me grounded in equanimity.
All of the inner and outer work that I put into managing my emotions, regulating my nervous system, practicing relational mindfulness and staying consistent with my rituals is giving me the capacity to show up in this “wave” of life to surf instead of drown.
I share this insight and experience with you because I want you to know firsthand that the inner and outer work pays off! If we make it a priority. It isn’t fluff, woo-woo sh*t or BS. These are essential life skills we need because we can’t learn how to swim in a tsunami.
This is why I am so passionate about supporting people creating their own toolbox of internal resources so they too know how to surf the uncertain waves of life with more ease and capacity.
Surfing the waves of uncertainty is definitely still unpleasant and anxiety-provoking, but my practice is helping me meet each moment, moment-to-moment with love, curiosity and trust so that I can think more clearly instead of reacting from fear. I can see this wave as more of an adventure than a scary patch of quicksand.
On a macro level, our world continues to navigate uncertainty. There is a lot of fear about what’s going to happen to the stock market, the job market, female reproductive rights etc. Learning to navigate uncertainty with clarity and ease begins by finding our feet and creating a sense of grounding.
If you are familiar with chakra work, this first stage is all about connecting to your root chakra and working with a foundation of security, safety and balancing your nervous system responses.
Feeling myself and my family navigate this new unexpected wave reminds me why I created Centered in the City. Learning how to navigate the unknowns, stay connected to oneself and feel more confident and grounded is how we get to stay “centered” in our modern days lives.
Momma Bear Energy
Overwhelm is when: “life is unfolding at a pace that I find unmanageable in my psyche and in my nervous system.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn
Almost every day of the last few months, I wake up with a newfound disbelief in the state of the world. I don’t have to repeat the headlines. I know you can feel them gut-punch you in the stomach or pull at your heartstrings.
It is really challenging to be with the collective suffering of our world. The desire to numb out or say: “f*ck it let’s burn it all down”, is real. There are definitely plenty of nights this last month where I gave myself full permission to veg-out hardcore on the couch watching hours of nostalgic Netflix specials because I wanted reminders of simpler times.
AND, I am reminded of the words of Marianne Williamson, recently shared at the “Mindfulness and Compassion Global Summit” in Los Angeles. To be honest, this was my first time hearing her give a speech, despite running in the 2020 Presidential Election.
One of the most powerful statements she made was that we can’t let our individual traumas (lower case traumas) prevent us from getting political and using our voices.
I appreciated these words because sometimes the idea of giving ourselves compassion can be misused as giving ourselves a sort of hall pass to “sit this one out”. However, we can’t afford to be passive in life.
This doesn’t mean we have to swing to the other pole and be aggressive and reactive.
Instead, we want to be intentional, purposeful and powerful with how we spend and direct our energy and attention.
What is happening to one person in the collective is happening to us all because we are all connected. We breathe the same air. We share the same ground. We feel the same sunshine. We are all connected.
We get to practice taking care of ourselves so that we do have capacity to take care of each other.
If your plate is feeling full and your cup is running empty, then this is a great time to reassess your energy management. And we get to practice self-compassion, but in a very intentional way.
As Dr. Kristin Neff highlights in her book, Fierce Compassion, we get to use our Momma Bear expression of self-compassion. This is the type of compassionate presence that’s protecting, providing and motivating. This is the type of energy that can lovingly motivate us to take caring action for self and others.
Not from a place of aggression (because that will lead to burnout real quick), but from a place of fierce, courageous bravery. We get to harness this Momma Bear energy to easefully build our resilience and capacity.
If you need motivation to keep taking care of yourself, I welcome you to think back to your Power Intention for 2022. We are half-way through the year. Allow your Power Intention to continue to guide you to make intentional choices that fill your cup and give you capacity to feel present.
And please know that resting, playing and enjoying life is essential to you having capacity to serve and be present. Give yourself permission to play AND participate.
Mindful Planning
Memorial Day Weekend officially kicked off the summer months here in the United States. As life opens back up with even less restrictions and more “summer fun” in the air, can you feel the pull and push to fill your schedule with travel plans, weddings, family gatherings, reunions, parties, etc?
I have a client that said, “it feels like I need to make all of these plans to make up for lost time. It feels good to see people and to be able to do the things I love, however, I don’t want to go back to being busy as my default.”
Does this sentiment resonate for you?
If so, I welcome you to practice “Mindful Planning” -- pausing before you make plans to check in with yourself before saying yes or no. It may sound simple, but we can all fall victim to the autopilot yes.
Instead of entering that slippery slope, take that moment to pause, slow down and notice if saying 'yes' to the plan is coming from a place of want and joy? Or is saying 'yes' coming from a people-pleasing desire, or perhaps coming from FOMO? You may be surprised at what you hear from yourself when you pause to check in.
For instance, you may be someone who loves and values adventure, but your body might also be telling you that it's at capacity for traveling or being social. Your body might be feeling physically depleted from the consistent heartbreaking news or anxious state of our world. It might feel confusing to feel that internal conflict, but when you sit and listen, your body will tell you the truth. And your body will always thank you for listening. Even if the mind is super sneaky about convincing you to have a logical response.
Learning to listen to ourselves is one of the greatest superpowers we can cultivate.
That’s why having a consistent mindfulness practice supports us in cultivating the ability to listen and pay attention, moment-to-moment, with kindness and curiosity. Instead of slipping into default mode, we can use our limited resources with intentionality.
If you are looking for more support and inspiration to connect to yourself this summer, the Centered in the City Community has your back. You will strengthen your mindfulness practices to support you staying grounded, present and empowered by your choices.
Resistance to Rest: Exploring the Judgmental Mind
I am currently writing my newsletter from a horizontal position on my couch with the intent to talk about the theme of rest. This has been a consistent theme with my clients recently. Yet, as I type out the words, I notice a voice in my head saying: “don’t share that 'horizontal' detail, people will think you are being lazy and not effective.”
Ha! Right at this very moment, I notice resistance to rest because of a misguided belief that it isn’t productive. It's comical how judge-y our minds can be, isn't it?
I share this because this is how deeply conditioned ALL of our minds are. I noticed this belief that work needs to be hard and uncomfortable. That I can’t do work and be in a restful state.
We all have certain images and beliefs about what being productive/effective should look like.
For instance, I witnessed a belief that if I was properly being a “writer”, I would be sitting at a desk with my back straight, my butt glued to the chair and my feet on the ground, not moving until I was complete.
However, I know I do my best writing when I am in a cozy corner of my couch, curled up and cross-legged, allowing myself to mindfully munch on a sweet as I dip into my coffee for sensory inspiration. When I give myself permission to do what feels right for me, I feel my whole nervous system relax, and I feel empowered to be my authentic self.
Our minds hold so many conscious and unconscious beliefs about how to live our lives. How to work. How to love. How to rest. How to be a good ____ (parent, employee, leader, woman, partner, human, etc). The pressure to constantly live up to these expectations is exhausting and toxic for our mental, physical, soulful and emotional wellbeing.
This month, can you get curious and quiet to hear the inner voices of judgment and be willing to untangle?
Look at the beautiful flowers and buds of Spring, ask yourself and explore the following (or better yet, grab your journal):
What 'should' beliefs am I currently holding on to in my personal and professional life?
What do I actually want to believe?
What permission do I want to grant myself so that I can live in alignment with my beliefs?
What would it feel and look like to settle into that permission?
If you are wanting more 1:1 support to untangle from beliefs that are holding you back from living your authentic self, schedule a connection call here to see if working together is a fit. I have 2 coaching spots open this month.
Re-Entry Post Month-Long Silent Meditation Retreat
I just completed my first month-long silent meditation retreat! 28 days and over 500 hours of deeply practicing being present in a very regulated environment. Each moment, moment to moment, was an opportunity to pay attention to see what’s present in the mind, body and senses. As one of my teacher’s Anushka brilliantly depicted: being on retreat, we get to “put on the wetsuit of silence to dive deep into the depths of our minds and present moment experience and explore.”
One of the guiding questions and prompts of the retreat, that I think is helpful to come back to in daily life, is to simply ask myself: “What wants to be known in this moment?” Can I be interested enough to observe?
For me, this question gets me out of the planning mind, the ruminating thoughts and into the present moment by checking in. What wants to be known in this moment?
For instance, my heart is yearning for connection; my mind is trying to plan and overly-control my day; my body is tired and needs to rest.
Now, can I be interested enough to observe? Can I watch and be with the pleasant, unpleasant or neutral thought without needing to “fix” it or make it right, wrong, good or bad?
I noticed on retreat how good my mind was at “fixing” my present moment experience instead of just letting it pass through me like the weather.
If you were to ask yourself, 'what wants to be known in this moment?', what comes up for you?
Listen to the Centered in the City’s podcast episodes where I recap my experience in more detail:
Solo Episode: Month-long Silent Retreat Recap
Solo Episode: Eating to Catch Up
Bold & Loving News
3 BOLD and Loving news updates:
1. I cut 12 inches of my hair off and donated it to help make a wig for someone in medical need. This big bold and loving move came 10 years after my first haircut post chemotherapy. I was beaming with joy, excitement, compassionate heartbreak and gratitude. The body is a miracle that it can heal from cancer and also re-generate an offering to give back.
photo @tabrina.dos.hair
2. My husband and I took the reins back on our lifestyle vision (yes, even in the midst of a pandemic) and booked an airbnb in Mexico for the month!
This is part of our family’s long-term vision to live a few months abroad each year during the Seattle winter months -- an opportunity for us to tap back into Latin culture that fills our hearts and figurative cups.
We have always wanted to pilot this dream and finally did so in March 2020, but we all know how that story ends.
So here we are.
We said yes to life and made our vision our reality. And it’s interesting to me how the universe shows up for us when we show up in alignment with our truth and bliss.
I had the biggest day of my coaching career, thus far, last week while working from Mexico. I continue to see that when we live in alignment with our vision and values, we can create the life we want to live.
We don’t have to be passengers in our life, watching life “happening to us.” We get to live life! We get to be the driver who stays focused, consistent, connected to our values and listens deeply to our inner self.
And remember, nothing is perfect!
Life is full of both bliss and baggage -- WiFi glitches here and there as well as getting Covid during my biggest facilitation and speaking day! Luckily, we are both recovering well.
3. I am heading into my first month-long silent meditation retreat at the end of February. This will be a month without technology, speaking or coaching.
I am choosing to go inwards and deepen my meditation practice for my own spiritual wellbeing journey as well as to expand my training and capacity as a teacher.
I’m filled with excited, nervous energy mixed with a big splash of scared shitless-ness.
This month-long retreat at Spirit Rock has been on my list for the last few years, and my Power Intention of BOLD and Love are supporting me saying yes in 2022. It feels good to lovingly challenge myself and to already feel growth stretch marks appear around my mind in preparation.
How are you using your Power Intention in 2022?
Mindfully Stepping into a New Year
This is my favorite New Year tradition. If you have been in my community, you know that I have been practicing this ritual for years! And if you are new to me, welcome!
Grab your journal, your favorite drink and get cozy…
Grounding myself with a word or short phrase, also known as my power intention, is one of the most powerful tools I practice, year after year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with all of the individual "things" I could do in 2022, it helps to create a personal statement that supports me when making decisions, creating priorities and shifting my mindset. I use my power intention to take action. Whenever I feel stuck, I re-ground into my power intention to help guide the way.
Do you have your own ritual? If not, selecting an empowering word or phrase is a great way to clarify and prioritize your desires and wants -- supporting you living and loving your life.
My 2021 power intention was “Rays of Light and Trust.” These words helped me navigate troubling times and create inner strength and powerful results in my life. Tapping into the power and wisdom of these words helped me feel like I had superpowers this last year. “Rays of Light” was a powerful practice for me to look for the light in situations. To be the light in situations and to help spread light around the world. Rays of Light symbolized sunshine, warmth, healing, being seen, bright, happy, hope, possibilities, expansion and abundance.
Trust has been part of my power intention for the last two years, and in 2021, I focused on building trust within myself. This looked like trusting my gut/intuition, feeling more confident when navigating new situations, gently pushing myself to drive (yes, I am a New Yorker still getting comfortable with driving) and making decisions in my business and life. I am grateful to have my power intention this last year to keep me centered and focused. I full-heartedly believe that my power intention helped me cultivate powerful results in 2021. I feel more connected to my family and relationships. I feel healthy, and I have created the biggest impact with my clients and financial growth.
As I look into the new year, my power intention for 2022 has two pillars: BOLD & Love. These words came to me through this reflection practice I have below. I am craving some big BOLD energy in myself in 2022. I have a confident, strong base, and I am excited to be BOLD in my thinking, actions and asks from this place. I am excited to play bigger this year, playing out of the box and giving myself permission to not only trust my instincts but act on them with clarity. BOLD to me means being assertive (not aggressive), risk-taking, taking a stand and doing the unexpected.
Staying connected to Love helps me live and be from the heart instead of my head. I get to choose Love in how I show up in conversations, how I treat others, and the energy I want to contribute to the world. Love for me means warmth, care, respect, nourishment, hydration, best intentions and generosity. These words together help me feel balanced and connected to who I want to be and how I want to live in 2022.
As I set my power intention for a new year, I get to pay attention to what BOLD & Love feel like in my body, what activities help me tap into these words and how I get to choose my power intention on a daily basis. These words get to be the lens through which I experience life over the next 12 months. How exciting!!!
Now it’s your turn. What is your one word or phrase you want to embrace in this new decade as your power intention?
To support your reflection process, walk through these steps and see what you discover:
1. Journal the prompts below:
What are you celebrating from 2021? Where do you see some gaps?
How do you want to feel in 2022? (Describe in full detail)
What would your life look like if you gave yourself full permission to do, to be or to say anything?
2. Reflect on what you just wrote, and circle all of the words that stand out to you. Now, narrow it down to one, two or three words (no more than that or it just turns into a laundry list). Pay attention to what word(s) support how you want to feel and be in 2022.
3. Ask yourself: Does this word (or words) create an empowering phrase for me? If yes, you got your power intention for 2022!
If not, narrow your word choice down by closing your eyes and breathing each word in and out. Notice which word stands out to you the most and note whether it brings you tingles, opens your heart, creates some fire in your belly or makes you smile. What word(s) help inspire the year you want to live? These are typically signs that you discovered something meaningful.
4. Now, create a visual for your power intention. Whether is it a fancy drawing or a post-it note, place a visual of your power intention where you will see it on a daily basis.
Take note as the perfect word or words come alive for you! Please share! (in-person, email, social media, snaps, grams, by phone, or in the comments below!)
If you did this activity last year, take a moment to reflect and connect. See what dots aligned and what you might want to do differently this upcoming year.
5. Use it or lose it. Let's start integrating your power intention into your life right away. Join me for my Intention Setting Party workshop to help you take your Power Intention to the next level.
January 23rd @ 1:30pm PST- 5:30pm PST. Learn more and Sign Up Here.
The Power of Consistency
I recently visited the Oaxacan coast in Mexico. The shoreline is stunning, lined with beautiful golden beaches and dramatic cliffs and rocks. This part of the world is known for great surfing because of the intensity and consistency of the ocean waves.
I spent days watching, listening, walking and boating the shoreline -- soaking in nature’s wisdom. I watched and listened for the consistent sound of the waves crashing on the shore or splashing against the rocks, every 12 seconds or so.
What I came to realize is that these beautifully-shaped rocks didn’t just magically appear. They were created that way thanks to consistency. The consistency of the waves and the water molded their unique shapes.
It dawned on me that this is the power of consistency and why we can pay attention to its strength.
These rocks wouldn’t be carved this same way if the waves crashed once a month or even once a day. They look the way they do because of consistency. Consistency creates change. Consistency creates results.
Now, some of you might read this and feel a strong reaction from the word consistency -- it might overwhelm you, bore you, light up the perfectionist inside of you or create some other reaction somewhere on the spectrum.
Take note and notice what comes up for you, without judgment.
When we are consistent with wise actions, we will experience wise results. If we are consistent with unwise or unhelpful actions, we will experience unpleasant results.
During this final month of 2021, I welcome you to reflect and explore the theme of consistency:
What type of results do you want to create in your life?
What does consistency mean to you?
Where in your life are you most consistent with wise intention and action?
Where in your life are you most consistent when it comes to unwise or unskillful intention and action?
Where in your life is calling for more consistency? Where in your life is calling for less?
Exploring Pace
I just returned home to Seattle after 3 weeks of travel, and my ‘pace’ was a consistent point of focus and learning for me as I navigated the world’s hustle and bustle.
This was my first time being on an airplane since March 2020!
The first time being back home in New York City and the first time visiting family and friends in over 2 years.
I spent a lot of time walking on my trip.
I met people for walks and talks, and I would walk as my primary means of transportation. Exploring New York, Chicago and Boston by foot is the best!
Walking in a city makes me feel inspired and connected.
My average step count was in the 16,000 range, and a few days I even walked about 26,000 steps (aka 9 miles!)
I noticed something different during my walks.
I noticed how fast my pace was.
It was a strong pace. My walk was determined, focused and present. I felt my heart rate and blood flowing. It was energizing and life giving.
But I also recognized that while I walked at a fast pace, it was harder to slow down.
Or if I slowed down, I actually could feel how tired my body was. And if I slowed down, I needed to spend more energy to rev back up.
Sometimes I noticed I couldn’t even feel my feet as I walked.
This little observation of my pace is a microcosm for what I notice happens in our world.
We walk and do life at such a fast pace. Sometimes so fast we can’t feel our literal or figurative feet.
And sometimes the fast pace feels really good. It’s energizing and adrenaline provoking.
Sometimes there might be thoughts or fears that roll through our conscience that if we slow down, we will fall behind, not get there as fast, won’t want to keep going, or even question where we are walking to or ‘why am I rushing’?
As we enter the holiday season this month, I welcome you to explore your pace.
Connect to your feet. Notice when it is helpful to move fast and when it’s harmful.
What pace would you like to be walking through this holiday season?
Priority Management
Image by Patrick Buggy
Have you heard of Stephen Covey’s time management analogy with rocks, pebbles, sand and a jar?
Personally, I hadn’t, but when I heard my mentor, Jenny Blake, talk about it on her Free Time podcast, I loved the imagery and wanted to share this with you all.
Question:
If you have a big jar, rocks, pebbles and sand, how do you get them to all fit into the jar?
Answer:
You want to add the big rocks in first, followed by the pebbles, followed by the sand.
If you do it any other way, you won't be able to fit everything in the jar.
This visual is meant to symbolize life and how we choose to use our time and fill our life. Ideally, we want to prioritize the “big rocks” in life first, followed by the smaller “pebbles”, followed by the sand, which symbolizes the extra distractions or excess things to do in life.
Now what typically happens in our modern day world, and especially with my ambitious and perfectionista clients, is that our minds dream up unrealistic expectations that we can fit too many “big rocks” into our day.
Society also creates these unrealistic expectations that we can squeeze more and more out of our 24 hours.
By the end of the day, we might feel frustrated, burned out and sometimes defeated because we feel we didn’t get enough done or failed because not all of the big rocks got prioritized.
Can you relate to being in this mindset?
Let’s pause here and slowly zoom out.
When we use this visual tool, I find it helpful and grounding to realize we aren’t robots or superheroes who can stretch time and make our “jar of life” even bigger to cram even more to-dos.
We are human beings and we get to have a grounded realistic expectation of ourselves about what priorities we actually get done.
We get to do the inner work of untangling from the internal dialogue that ‘we aren’t doing enough’ as well as get even more laser-focused and specific about our priorities.
We get to remember that we can’t be everything to everybody.
We get to remember that it’s ok if all of our “big rocks” weren't taken care of because most likely, there will always be more “big rocks.”
So what do we do?
We remember to pause. To breathe. To get centered and clear.
We get to give ourselves permission to drop the superhero mentality that we can do it all AND give ourselves permission to detach our worth from our outcomes.
It’s much more enjoyable to live life from the present moment and celebrate that we are doing enough and that we are enough, instead of creating unrealistic expectations that put unnecessary burden and pressure on us.
Want more coaching support getting centered and being laser-focused with your priorities? Sign up for a Connection Call to explore if coaching 1:1 is a fit. I have 2 spots open this month!